Not more than two hours after my last post my wife left me. Supposedly this would be the start of her separation from me, except that it isn’t. Here’s what happened:
I arrived home after running some errands, and found my wife in her office, sitting in front of her laptop. Her connection with that machine has become truly pathological in recent months. I walk in to say hello, and notice that she’s having a chat with a friend over Facebook. I also notice that there is a cell phone sitting next to the computer that is different than the cell phone she has been using for the past two years. This is the cell phone her lover gave her for their top-secret communications. I have seen this cell phone before, but she does not know that I know of it. I also notice that there is a stack of cards in the office, and I later verify that every single card and note I have given her is in this pile, along with other cards she got during the holidays from other people. This isn’t snooping — this stuff is right out in the open for anyone to see.
As for Facebook, we deactivated our accounts back in November, but then she got back online there in the past couple of weeks, supposedly on an experimental basis. I had also reactivated my account to see if I wanted anything to do with that site anymore, as it was the one that started to bring down our marriage, and have scarcely looked at since doing so. I logged on, and could find no sign of her anywhere, even though she was online. So, I created an extra account and found her — she has apparently blocked me. This is appears to be one of the adulterer’s defense mechanisms: try to shut yourself off from your spouse any way you can. Nevertheless, she holds on to other memorabilia from me. How quaint.
I make some tea and bring it to her, and she thanks me for it. Then, about 10 minutes later, she suddenly walks out into the living room and says, “I’m going to ****’s house for the weekend, and I’m taking the dog with me. I’ll be back on Monday.” The person she names is a common friend and colleague, the person whose home she has planned to move into this month. I ask her what the heck she’s talking about, why she needs to leave so suddenly, and she says something to the effect that I should already know she’s leaving, and that I never want to listen to her. I tell her that I’m always happy to listen to her. She has already hardened herself emotionally for this, and now she really begins to steel herself. She puts the dog into a carrier, picks up a couple of bags, and walks out the door. I ask her if she news any help, and she declines. I simply say, “bye,” as she walks down the street, and get no response.
Honestly, at this point, I was a bit freaked out. But I had driven by this friend’s house a half an hour earlier, and there was visibly nobody home. Right about this time, the mailman came, and there was a package for my wife. So, I figured it would make a good excuse to drop by this friend’s house to deliver the package. I was getting ready to go to work, so I brought the package with me. The friend’s car was in the driveway, so I figured she’d be home. I rang the doorbell, and there was no response. Nobody was home at all.
So, what really happened? There is only one explanation. She went to be with her lover for the weekend. (I have evidence, but I’ll get to that later.) First of all, it would make no sense to say that you’re beginning your separation so precipitously, go over to the place you’re moving into, and not bring any boxes or anything. Second, why would anyone be in such a rush to leave, if they really were separating? There was no reasonable trigger to make her leave, none whatsoever.
The reason I know that she was with her lover is simple: she logged into our ISP webmail account from that location. I was logging in remotely to check some email, and noticed the most recent login to have come from the area he lives in. I pretty much expected this. Her actions are so totally transparent at this point in time as to almost be laughable.
This means that the fog has not yet lifted, my friends. Not that it’s not being lifted by external circumstances — it is — but rather the more that external reality intrudes, the more she tries to pull the blinders of that fog right back down. It’s actually really pathetic. She managed to make it exactly 4 days without seeing her lover this time. I believe she just availed herself of a simple opportunity, and poorly planned her rationale. I don’t even know if she told this friend of ours that she was being used as the subterfuge, but, since I’ll be seeing this woman tomorrow, I’ll find that out. What I do know is that since she has been home she has spoken to her family, and they absolutely disapprove of the affair. They are trying as hard as they can to convince her that it is the wrong course of action. This pressure will likely increase. But my wife is so determined to prove that she is right that she will just shove her fingers in her ears and scream at the top of her lungs to keep out the inevitable sound of reality.
This is why they tell you that the wayward spouse (or the obstinate spouse, for that matter) has no credibility. They just don’t.