She left sometime on Saturday, was gone all day Sunday, and today (Monday) did not come home, either. I expect she’ll come rolling in sometime tomorrow morning. The adulterer, who is a gardener, certainly has customers to tend to, so he’ll plop her off down at the end of the street some time around 8:30. That seems to be the routine.
The big question for me will be what her mood and behavior will be like. In the past, she’d come home, guns a-blazin’, ready to dump me, move out, file for divorce, etc. And, this past month, she’d be really cold toward me to boot. We’ll see if that holds. If she feels enthused about the affair, that would be the predictable behavior pattern. If the affair is in trouble, it could be a lot more uncertain. If I see anger, sorrow, or depression, then that would be a pretty good sign that the affair is on its way out, or already over.
I just really wonder. She will have had three days with this immoral jackass, and that’s certainly long enough to figure out if she wants to tough it out with him or just move on with life and be responsible. Real life certainly has been intruding on things for her of late, and the specter of the dissertation certainly is weighing on her mind. I do know that this has been one thing that has made her think that “taking a break” from “the relationship” might be worthwhile. Actually, it would be a step in the right direction, but “taking a break” really isn’t possible. I don’t think the affair could survive her separation from it.
One thing I am looking forward to is giving. In my last post, I mentioned that I needed to find some thing (or things) to give. This is really important, since I need to show her that, despite what she may have been doing the past few days, nothing has changed from my end. I ended up going to a local independent bookstore, which has often been a source of inspiration, as they have lots of nice stuff — cards, books, magazines, etc. I ended up finding two things for her: an illustrated book of Gustav Klimt’s work, and a book on incorporating essential oils into cooking recipes. These both speak of my knowledge of her: Klimt is one of her favorite artists, and she loves aromatherapy. The best part of it all is that I got about $70 worth of books for $10. That’s right, $10. Both of these books seem to have been heavily discounted (not sure why), and on top of that I had a frequent buyer card that saved me $20. Super. In the past, I’ve liked to have a few extra things stashed that I could give, so I wouldn’t always have to be on the lookout for things every time I go out.
Now you might wonder why giving is so important. Why would you want to give anything to an estranged spouse, especially if there’s the possibility that she might reject what you have to give? Well, the whole point of giving is that you are giving in a way that speaks of you intimate knowledge of your spouse. This is important in any distressed marital situation, and especially important, I think, in cases of infidelity. You are up against an adversary that has your spouse in a fog of infatuation, and your spouse likely thinks the mister/mistress is manna from heaven, a sustenance that nourishes the soul and cures every illness, mental or physical, real or imagined. Of course, this is not the case, and the infatuation will end, but until such time as it does it is important to show that you know your spouse better than any lover possibly could. It takes years of knowledge of your spouse to know what he or she really likes, and it takes years of experiences with your spouse to be able to give things that speaks of that knowledge, or things you’ve done together, and so on. On top of that, while a wayward spouse could reject conversation or physical interaction, it is a bit more difficult — and ridiculous — to reject an inanimate object.
Thus my two book choices. My wife and I were in Vienna a few years ago; this was Klimt’s home, and one sees much of his work there. I bought her a card with a print of his while we were there, so this book will likely reinforce that memory. As for the essential oils, my wife began to be interested in them about 5-6 years ago, and found a producer in France that she almost exclusively buys from. I do know that her lover has some minor interest in essential oils, and that she’s wanted to share these with him, to the extent that she placed an order with this company a couple of months ago that clocked in over $300 (!!). So, my giving this book steals that thunder right away from them. Even though she will be interested in the book and want to explore it, she would not do that with him, since the book comes from me.
So, I guess that’s all of my musings that need to get out onto virtual paper for now. I don’t really mind the aloneness that much, I’m just tired of watching my wife sabotage her life for months on end, and taking me along for that white-knuckle ride. It’s time to get off the roller coaster and get back to the real world.