Just a quick note on my way to bed. My wife came home yesterday and left the dog with me. The dog seems relieved to be at home (understandably) and her behavior has become a bit interesting.

Every morning and evening I have a spiritual practice that I do. Mornings tend to be the longer of the two sessions and usually include a fairly good length of sitting meditation. But for both sessions I will recite prayers and/or short liturgies. Today, as I was doing some reciting (i.e. chanting), the dog came and sat down next to me. She has done this before, but it seemed like she really wanted to be there, so I laid out a blanket on the floor for her to lie down on. She did that, and stayed there for the duration of my practice. Tonight, as I was doing some brief recitations, she did the same thing. I put the blanket on the floor, and she again lied down on it and proceeded to go to sleep. After I’d finished and gotten into bed (I do this practice in the bedroom) she stayed on the blanket, and is still there even as I type this — almost an hour after having finished up that session. She did this last night, too. This is unusual. Normally she sleeps on her bed, which is basically just a large pillow, or on a smaller bed that is placed under a night table as a sort of quasi-crate.

I have no explanation for this behavior. I have never seen the dog sleep in the middle of the floor at that location. It’s pretty much random, in terms of her previous behavior. And it might be nothing other than a random event. Or, rather random events on two separate days. Or, who knows, maybe there is some sort of energy that gathers there that is comforting to her. I have no idea. It is reassuring for me to have the dog back home, and I’m sure she feels better being here.

Characteristics of the spouse

The obstinate spouse is:

  • Never wrong about anything.
  • Determined to have their way no matter what.
  • Maintaining a story about why you are totally wrong about everything.
  • Blaming you for all of their problems.
  • Not willing to take responsibility for their own problems.
  • Not able to see their own personal issues that need fixing.
  • Convinced that the only solution to their problems is the removal of you from their life.
  • Suffering from denial of emotions.
  • Enduring tremendous pain, most of which is self-created.
  • A chatterbox that slanders you to everyone in an attempt to justify their course of action.
  • Acting as though destroying their own marriage is a normal behavior.
  • Likely not wearing their wedding ring(s).

The wayward spouse is:

  • Never wrong about having the affair.
  • Determined to continue that affair no matter what anyone says.
  • Maintaining a story about why you forced them to have the affair.
  • Blaming you for all the guilt they feel about having the affair.
  • Not willing to take responsibility for their behaviors that estranged you from them.
  • Not willing to see that the affair is a band-aid that covers up the personal issues that need fixing.
  • Convinced that their adulterous partner is the solution to all of their problems in life.
  • Suppressing feelings of guilt, fear, shame, and anxiety.
  • Enduring tremendous pain, which is both self-created and also the product of all interactions with the adulterous partner.
  • A chatterbox that tells everyone willing to listen about the affair.
  • Acting as though the affair is a normal relationship, even to the point of introducing the adulterous partner to friends, family, co-workers, and so on.
  • Likely not wearing their wedding ring(s).

The faithful spouse is:

  • Always wrong in their spouse’s eyes, but willing to accept their own share of the blame.
  • Determined to stand up for their marriage no matter what anyone says.
  • Maintaining a vision of what their future married life will look like once they have reconciled.
  • Not laying blame.
  • Willing to take responsibility for their own actions and behaviors that led to their marital crisis.
  • Willing to work on the personal issues that need fixing.
  • Convinced that staying married is by far the preferable course of action.
  • Exploring and expressing a wide range of emotions.
  • Enduring tremendous pain and suffering, most of it externally created, and is willing to endure for the sake of the spouse and the marriage.
  • Tight-lipped about their marital situation, committed to protecting their spouse’s privacy.
  • Willing, when asked, to let others know that they are committed to their marriage and will not be giving up.
  • Almost certainly wearing their wedding ring(s).