Karma x 10,000

Today there was an annular solar eclipse. In the Tibetan Buddhist tradition, both lunar and solar eclipses are considered auspicious days on which the effects of karma are multiplied. Technically speaking, effects of good or bad karmic actions are  said to be multiplied by 10,000. That’s a lot of karma.

Today was also my birthday.

I spent my Sunday morning as I do most Sunday mornings: at the dharma center, doing meditation. We were also given instruction in mindful activity, and this included cleaning our meditation cushions and mats. It was all quite interesting. The teaching included a quote from a poem by Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche called “Midnight Freedom”:

If you wanna be loved

Don’t forget to open your heart!

Boy, that one cut straight through to me. Afterward, I had lunch with some of my dharma buddies, and then went home.

Things were pretty uneventful at home. I mean, my wife isn’t around anymore, so I only had the dog to keep me company. I had a Skype call with my family. Then, out of the blue, my wife texted me to wish me a happy birthday. I don’t know if it was a Freudian slip, but she actually said she hope I was having a “forgettable” birthday. I think she just missed the “un-” prefix by mistake. Her text said she is looking forward to celebrating my birthday with me this coming Thursday. She originally suggested this idea a couple of days ago, suggesting Wednesday or Thursday as possible days to get together. I said either day was fine, but also suggested today, of course, telling her that I’d be free. I knew she would likely reject that idea. In fact, I just got no response.

This leads to the question as to why she could not spend time with me today. Her behavior last week was a bit odd: she decided to let me keep the dog for an additional week, stating that she was going to be busy. I suspected that she was going to go on a trip with the adulterer. I didn’t really have any evidence; it was just a hunch. Her story did not make sense. She is not busy, and has almost no professional commitments anymore. I did learn yesterday that the adulterer went overseas for a quasi-professional trip related to his hobby and did not take my wife. Hmmm. This means that she was home all alone at Camp You-Know-What for the weekend. Interesting.

This still leaves the question unanswered as to why she couldn’t spend time with me today. Well, I pretty much know why: a) she’s 40 miles away and cannot drive, and b) she doesn’t want to. I do think she feels guilty about this, though. What actually doesn’t make sense is her texts to me this past week. She texted me on Thursday night, quite late, to thank me for a card I gave her. The adulterer had already left for his trip, so she was alone and didn’t need to hide that from him. The following day she texted to ask me about celebrating my birthday with her next week. Then she texted me today to wish me a happy birthday. Oh, she won’t talk to me — no, that would be too personal, I suspect, so all my calls go straight to voice mail. But at least she did reach out via text. Still, this is not the behavior of a woman who wants to get rid of her husband. I will take any contact I can get from her.

Because of the solar eclipse, there was an extra practice at the Dharma center that is done on auspicious days like eclipses and equinoxes. It’s called Aspriation of Samantabhadra, and is said to bring immeasurable benefit. It’s a pretty simple practice that just entails reciting a liturgy; today’s selections were a bit longer than normal. We followed this with the weekly Green Tara practice I’ve written about so many times, and I was privileged enough to lead it tonight. Since this crisis started, my aspiration during this practice has been that the confusion my wife is living in be cut through, so that she can stop producing such horrible karma. I’m hoping that what they say about this karmic multiplier is true — maybe I can generate enough positivity to actually bring that about.