It’s been seven months

On October 14, 2011, I was in the kitchen making dinner. My wife had begun preparing for a grueling work schedule that would continue through the month of October, and she was really beginning to feel the pressure, and to recognize how unfeasible that workload really was. She came into the kitchen as I was finishing up cooking, and I gave her some food. Then, I made one critical mistake: I took a pot that was not in use off of the stove, and instead of putting it back in the pantry, I put it on a crate underneath a utility table. We keep a couple of skillets there, so I figured it wasn’t a big deal.

It was. She erupted at me, and asked me why I didn’t just go put the pot back where it originally came from. I responded that I was in the middle of cooking, and that there were other more important actions to take, like, for instance, feeding her, so she could get back to work. She then said, “You are lazy, and you will never change,” and left the kitchen in a huff.

When I entered the living room, she was sitting on the couch, watching TV and eating the food I had prepared for her. As I sat down, she really unloaded on me. She told me that she felt our marriage was over, and that she wanted to separate. Actually, she wanted me to leave the house. I had heard her get this way when she’s been under similar pressure in the past, so I thought this was just temporary and would blow over. I said, “look, I know you’re uner a lot of stress right now…”

That was clearly the wrong thing to say. She told me that this time it was different, and that she meant business. She wanted me out of the house, and suggested I move back to California with my family at Thanksgiving. Or, perhaps I could get an apartment that was closer to work. Either way, she wanted me out. “I deserve to be happier than this,” was her summative remark.

I was flabbergasted.

This was the beginning of my marital crisis. Today is Monday, May 14, 2012. The scene I described above happened 213 days ago, making it exactly seven months since all of this began.

I thought our problems were solvable. What I didn’t know at the time is that, to her mind, they were not and never would be solvable. She had begun an emotional affair 5 days earlier, and had been probably flirting with the idea of starting that affair for at least a month prior to it beginning. From that night forward, she did not sleep in our bed. She moved herself into the living room, and slept on the fold-out couch at night. She did that for two and a half months. Then she decided to make it more “real,” and moved in with a couple of friends in early January. She would spend most of the day here, but would sleep at their house. This apparently wasn’t real enough, so she began to limit her time at home in February, and eventually actually did move out toward the end of March. That was 52 days ago. At some point thereafter, she moved in with the adulterer. I don’t believe this happened right away, but as near as I can figure, it was probably on or around April 6. That would make it 38 days that she’s been living in the house of a twice-divorced, serial adulterer, a man who has no qualms about lying to his own flesh and blood (his daughter) about the nature of his “relationship” with my wife.

I have been waiting patiently for the affair to end for over six months now. I have heeded the credible advice I was given, and just gotten out of the way so that it can run its course. I have continued to reach out to her and to work on myself in the interim.

I am all but certain that the bloom is likely off the rose at this point. They initially did not get to spend much time together, but since at least February they have had relatively unrestricted access to one another. And, there is really nothing like living with someone to learn what they are really like. I don’t think my wife and I ever really began to have disagreements or arguments until we began cohabitating. Of course, there was a big difference: neither of us had another committed relationship going on, and so there was nothing to hide or to be dishonest about. Neither of us was or had ever been married. She has all these problems now, though: she is married, she does have to hide things from me and from others, and she does lie about things constantly. That’s a trifecta if ever there was one, and it will bring down that affair.

213 days is a long time. I know people who have been in marital crises for even longer. One thing I have in common with these people is that we are committed to our marriages, and will not give up on them just because things have become difficult. I know people who have obstinate spouses, and others who have spouses who, like mine, are committing adultery. I know of some wayward spouses who are hiding their affairs and trying to keep a sense of normalcy in their marriage, and others who have decided that the affair is the path of the future, and are doing everything in their power to make that fairy-tale future a reality.

The one thing that all of these departing spouses, obstinate and wayward alike, have to contend with is a formidable force that they had not reckoned with: the unconditional love of their spouses who are standing up for the marriage. Our message is clear: “no matter what has happened, and no matter what is happening now, I still believe in us, and I will always believe in our marriage.” This is an inconvenient message for spouses to hear, if they are seeking to undermine their marriages. They are reminded that they are quitters, that they don’t want to look at their own fixings, and that their spouses are taking moral positions that need no defending whatsoever. Thus, they tend to fight back, and they sometimes fight back hard.

With all that said, I’ve seen some encouraging signs over the past week. I have no idea where they’ll lead, or if the trend will continue, but  just moments ago I received an email from my wife thanking me for helping her in editing some texts she had translated. She was emphatic about it, too: “thank you soooo much,” she wrote. Her behavior this past week has not been characteristic of a woman who wants to destroy her marriage. Instead, it’s been one of a woman who still feels a connection to her husband, and who is reluctant to give that up, even if she thinks her current trajectory requires her to do so.

So that’s where we’re at, 7 months on. I am hopeful that there will continue to be positive signs, and that these will lead to a real breakthrough in the coming days.

It’s been an interesting weekend

This has been a weekend like many others. Typically I’d spend my Saturday teaching, and then have Sunday free. My wife never had her Sunday free, though. She would play a church gig in the morning, and then teach at people’s houses all afternoon, wrapping up with a student at home in the evening. Since she never learned how to drive, I would be the one to chauffeur her all over the place. I never really minded this too much, but my wife apparently resented having to work the weekends very much.

Let’s not forget, though, that her line of work as a performer means that her work time is other people’s leisure time. This does mean that you have to work evenings and weekends. Truth be told, during the week she did precious little, so I never really quite understood her beef about having to work over the weekend. But there we are.

What made this weekend different than the many others that have preceded it, both during this marital crisis and before, is that my wife reached out to me to help her with a project.

As I’ve written copiously elsewhere, my wife frequently visits a so-called “energy worker” who apparently does things like chakra tuning. I’m a bit suspicious of that kind of service, since nobody really knows your chakras better than do you (provided you know them), so you might as well tune them yourself. But apparently she has found this service helpful during the course of  this crisis, and she felt compelled to write a couple of testimonials about this woman’s work. She asked me earlier in the week if I’d be willing to edit the English translations — the originals are in Japanese — and I said I’d be glad to help out with that.

The first testimonial arrived a couple of days ago, and I fixed that one for her in a hurry. She was very appreciative and liked the work that I did. The second testimonial arrived today. This one I found a bit distasteful. Why? Well, she was referring to “spiritual guidance” that she supposedly is getting from this woman. This guidance apparently overlooks or perhaps even condones grossly immoral things like, say, adultery. Among the things that stuck out about this testimonial was her citing the fact that she had been troubled by guilt, had a congested throat chakra as a result (that’s no unusual!) and that the chakra tunings helped her to alleviate this blockage and attain a more natural emotional functioning.

Whatever.

I don’t mean to sound dismissive, but guilt is guilt. She has loads of it. She is making more of it as I write this. There is no amount of chakra tuning that could possibly alleviate the blockages she has, since as soon as one clears up a bit she loads on more negative actions to block it back up again. It’s all so, I don’t know, stupid.

I think what struck me most about this second testimonial is that it was almost like a confession. An unintentional one, I’d think (although perhaps intentional in a Freudian way), but a confession nonetheless. There she was, telling me by way of this testimonial, “I feel guilty about all of the things I’ve done to you over the past seven months, and I feel guilty about all of the things I’m doing right now and that I might do in the near future.” Of course, she’s not wrong about any of those things she has done, is doing, or might do. Obstinate spouses never are wrong. And they’re doubly not wrong when there is the fog of an affair that clouds everything.

So once again, I am returned to the point of absurdity. This affair is so transparently puerile, so totally lacking in substance, and so utterly devastating to her psyche and emotional health that there is little doubt but that it will come to an end fairly soon. For now, I have to suffer the rank stupidity of what she’s doing: the continued belief that she has met her soul mate, that she is “in love” (i.e. mistaking infatuation for the real thing), that she can plan a future with an adulterer and expect it to work out, et ceteral, so forth, and so on. I was thinking about it this evening, in fact. “How much longer can this go on?” I wondered. It’s already been seven months. Seven months! That’s a long time. At the outside, the affair might last another four or five months, but I think that is highly unlikely. There are way too many pressures and stresses for it to continue on that long, I think. At this point we’re likely looking at weeks to a couple of months. I know I’ve said that before, but I just don’t see it going on forever and ever. I do wonder what sort of nasty surprises she might have up her sleeve for me before it does end, but it is safe to say that it will end, and she will be the absolute last to see it coming.

That brings us back again to these testimonials. Three things happened this past week that defy explanation, if my wife is truly a woman of her word; that is, if I’m to believe what she said two weeks ago about needing to “move on.” Two of these things are the testimonials, and the accompanying requests for help in editing them. The third is her inviting me for coffee. None of these is characteristic of the behavior of a woman who wants to destroy her marriage and leave her husband. They are rather the behaviors of a deeply conflicted soul that is living a lie, and working overtime to believe that lie somehow is credible.

The marriage reconciliation program I’m working has a user forum, and in the past few days the admins accidentally wiped out a month’s worth of posts. I went back and read through a thread and found some posts from a friend who was deeply despondent about her marriage situation. That was at the end of March. She is now in the process of reconciliation. It seems that, when that breakthrough arrives, when the chance finally to reconcile comes, it happens at the most unlikely and seemingly implausible time. I am hopeful that I am approaching that point. These openings in my wife’s armor give me reason for that hope.

It will all be over soon, dear reader. The betrayal will end. The infidelity will stop. And the reconciliation will begin.

It was an interesting day

It’s been a long day, and a fairly eventful one at that. I had sessions with clients from fairly early in the day well into the early evening, and then had a private student at home tonight. Two things really stand out, though.

First, my wife emailed me before lunch to ask me for help in editing a text she had translated. She had written some testimonials for the “energy worker” she visits regularly, and apparently got a free session a week or two ago in exchange for writing these testimonials. As grossed out as I’ve been by the horrendous, amateurish, and unqualified marriage advice this woman has given my wife, I willingly agreed to help. I see her turning to me as a real positive, since she could just as easily have asked the adulterer to help out. This is doubtless something she’ll have to hide from him as well. It also strikes me that her keeping this kind of connection open with me makes it harder for her to pursue her crazy agenda, and hopefully will help to further undermine the grossly immoral behavior she has been engaged in for months now.

The second thing that was really interesting was a Vedic astrology reading I received today. I ordered it out of curiosity via fiverr.com a couple of days ago. I figured, “What the heck?” since all the gigs there cost just $5. This one was offered by an experienced astrologer in India who was offering to help negotiate difficult circumstances. I had to provide complete birth information for myself and my wife, including location and time, plus some information on the situation I’m facing, i.e. adultery. The first response I got back was to the effect that the problem I was describing (adultery) was not the real problem, but actually just a reaction to the problem, and that some additional information was needed, e.g. Did I want to win my wife back? What sorts of consequences was I trying to avoid?

The report came back, and it was startlingly accurate in many ways. It started by saying that my wife and I are quite compatible, and that that we should get along well together. It continued by saying that my wife went through a bad phase of her life from September 2004 to November 2011 — pretty much the entire duration of our marriage. (We married at the end of 2004, so she was in bad shape before that, I guess.) It then said that there were very strong indicators that she would be very settled with her husband (i.e. me), especially in the years 2014-2016, but that this also meant that there was the tendency for the same to happen in the period from mid-2011 to 2014.

The advice for now was that it was best to “let her go” — not that I have much choice right now, because she’s already taken that route — her sade sati (yes, I had to look this up) ended in November 2011 and this caused her to become very sad. Now here was the spooky part: it said that “she now wants to live life for herself and enjoy [herself] without any liability.” That statement could hardly have been more accurate.

But it went on: there’s little I can do to change her, but if she were to make donations, like feeding birds or fish that would help. (This kind of fascinates me.) After mid-2016, she will regret the poor decisions she made from November 2011.

I was then given a mantra to do on Wednesdays that would be beneficial, and told that the best immediate remedy would be to be more financially abundant, as this would motivate her to stay out of “greed”. There was one other thing: the forecast said that “women” would help me reach the heights of success, and fame also.

So, on the whole, it’s been a pretty interesting day.

It was a pretty good day

Yesterday wasn’t exactly one of those “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade” days. Actually, it was more like “when life gives you lemonade, go ahead and enjoy it.” Allow me to run with this metaphor.

I don’t particularly like lemonade that much, but if someone gives it to me, I’ll probably drink it. I can occasionally find it enjoyable. It’s tart, a bit sweet, and it certainly can wake up my palate. There is a tinge of unpleasantness to it for me that underlies the whole experience, but I do find well-made lemonade a bit more than tolerable. In fact, I remember having a lemonade filled with some lemon granita at Ferrara on a hot day in New York City a couple of years ago, and it was extremely refreshing.

Yesterday was sort of a refreshing change from the usual. My wife typically comes into town on Wednesday and leaves on Thursday. She has a rehearsal on Wednesday night, and does a bit of teaching on Wednesday evening and Thursday afternoon. Then she packs back off to adulterysville for the rest of the week. When she is in town, I get to see her, usually just once, and  she actually does answer her phone.

She contacted me on Tuesday evening, as per usual by text, saying she wanted to see me on Wednesday morning so that she could drop off the dog. She had mentioned last week that she also wanted out of our cell phone contract and intended to discuss that with me on Wednesday morning as well. Wednesday was a very busy day for me, though, and I had to be in to work fairly early. I called to let her know — of course she did not answer — and I did later get a text saying that she didn’t realize I wouldn’t be available, and so she’d drop the dog off sometime during the day.

Realizing this to be the case, I staged a gift for her by placing it in a bag on the knob of the front door. On Tuesday, I’d stopped by a shop selling letterpress cards and other goodies, and picked up a Mothers Day card, as well as somethings for my wife: a gift tag that said “TO:” and “FROM:” in very big, antique lettering, a paper garland disc with the first letter of her name on it (very nice design), plus a wood typesetting piece that also had her first initial on it. I placed this all in a small gift box, stamping her initial with the typesetting piece onto the to/from tag; that went into the box, and the garland letter was placed on the front of the box, held in place by some gold elastic cord. Details, details. Then I left the house. She texted me as I was going in to work, and I called back to discuss logistics. She later texted me again to thank me for the gift, saying she loved everything, and that the wrapping was beautiful. That night she texted me one more time to make arrangements to see me the following morning.

I know this sounds odd, but she actually set up the meeting. Usually I have to do this. It’s my weekly “date night,” or as close to it as I can get, and last week’s was kind of disastrous. Well, not an outright disaster, but it ended on a sour note. And, as I later discovered, my suspicions were right: after she got out of the car, she went to the courthouse to do something with her marriage dissolution paperwork. Actually, I don’t know if she filed, or if she went there for forms, or to ask about things, or what. I don’t see any evidence that she has filed yet (the state has an online tracking system for open cases) but that doesn’t mean it has or hasn’t happened.

But I digress. She wanted to meet, and I arranged to pick her up just after 9:00 a.m. She had another appointment with the so-called “energy worker,” and suggested that I drive her over to that town and we could have coffee. I gladly agreed. Just before I arrived to pick her up, she texted me to ask if I was still at home: she needed a “cute” envelope in which she could put the payment check for the session she was going to have. I was right around the corner from picking her up, though.

She came out just as I pulled up. She looked tired. Very tired. This seems always to be the case. She definitely did not seem terribly happy. She got in the car and we chatted on the way to the coffee shop. She asked how my parents were doing, and I filled her in. I asked how her parents were, and she told me that she didn’t know, as she hadn’t spoken to them. Now, last week she told me she hadn’t spoken to her parents for about a month. This tells me that they still don’t know that she has moved in with the adulterer. This also does not bode well for the point in time when she actually does tell them.

We arrived at the coffee shop and sat in the corner. She paid for the coffee and the donuts. (This place is actually a well known donut shop.) We actually had a pretty nice time. Her body language was a bit closed and defensive, but fundamentally her energy toward me was open, and mine toward her was totally uninhibited. It seems like with her I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop these days, expecting her to tell me that she’s moved in with the adulterer, that I’ll get served papers, or something else unpleasant. But that hasn’t happened yet and it didn’t happen yesterday, either. What she did do was to ask me a favor. She had written a couple of testimonials for the energy worker in Japanese that this woman was going to use on her website. She had translated them (very well — she said she did these on her own, but I suspect the adulterer helped her a bit with them as the grammar was uncharacteristially nearly perfect) and wanted me to look them over and edit them. I said I’d be happy to do so, but would need a day or two to get around to them.

After a bit, the realization that she did not yet have that cute envelope she needed led us to drive over to a paper shop so she could purchase one. At one point she was browsing the rubber stamps, and told me that she was really getting in to them. (Somehow I knew this, and that’s why my gift went over so big.) She ended up buying a whole bunch of stuff, and got overcharged. It took a while to rectify things, and by the time the accounts had been settled she had missed her bus. I had earlier offered to just drive her there but she had declined; now she pretty much had to accept my offer.

So off we went. I drove her right to that woman’s door. This is a good thing. She brought my energy, the positive energy I had created, with her into whatever session she had. She also brought the knowledge that her husband — the very person she is trying to separate from — to that session. And she also brought to that session the expectation that I would be editing her testimonials. This is significant, because I am all but certain that she has been using these sessions as a means to further consolidate her position, i.e. that adultery is not wrong (actually, in her mind it’s not even adultery), and that all will be just fine if she were only to exit the marriage. Then here I am interfering with all that by bringing her right to the door of that very session in which this stuff would likely get discussed.

She later texted me to thank me for my time and to tell me that she really had appreciated it. This is not the behavior of a woman who wants to leave her marriage.

So where do things stand? I really don’t know. I think she is very conflicted and unsure. I sense that her path is crumbling in a way, and that she’s trying to keep it all together. I know that, on Wednesday morning, she hung out with a friend who has actively encouraged her adultery and separation — in fact, this was the friend in whose house she lived for three months. I also know that she spent Wednesday evening talking about her situation with the acquaintance in whose house she slept — the woman whose husband left her, and who is currently seeking divorce. It kind of feels to me like she’s trying to get her ducks in a row, but as soon as she starts to line them up they fall out of place again.

My sense is that we are nearing the end of this ordeal. In fact, we could be very near its end. There still could be all sorts of unpleasant surprises and nastiness before it does end, but the bottom line is that no matter what she tries from here on out, it will absolutely fail. She is on a path to nowhere, and she will eventually see the brick wall that she has been racing toward for the past 6-1/2 months.

 

The fog is still in the harbor

Yes, I’m afraid it seems to be true. I’ve written about the fog before, even using the term “fog in the harbor.” I even posted an optimistic post about that fog lifting the following day. It seems like the only thing I’ve been right about so far is the thickness of the fog.

You know what I’m talking about, right? The affair fog. The rush of dopamines and subsequent dopamine addiction that clouds the thought processes of the adulterer, that smashes their moral compass, and that casts them into a confused world where wrong is right, where the rules and mores of society simply do not apply because their situation is just so unique. It is a world that piles rationalization upon rationalization, and cobbles them all together with a generous coating of lies and deceit.

This might not sound like a world of which to be proud, but believe it or not, the adulterer typically is proud of that world. They broadcast the news of it far and wide, as though there is nothing amiss or even slightly suspect about it. They find a few people here and there who take the bait and actually fall for the transparent stupidity of it, too, and those people help to prolong the adultery by giving it the veneer of legitimacy it does not, nor ever will have.

That was a long preamble to the topic at hand, which is my wife’s weekly visit. Looking back over the trajectory of the last 6 months, it’s kind of hard for me to believe that we’ve ended up here. It’s really quite insane. Over the first two months, I built a huge amount of goodwill and closeness with my wife, yet she still moved out. She had to, it was in her script, and she just could not have that rewritten, not fundamentally. The details had already been substantially rewritten, as I was supposed to have been totally out of her life by January 1st, and she should have been moved in with the adulterer and living the fairy tale, happily ever after, from that point on. But life never really works out the way you think it will, and when you are following an imaginary script, there are all sorts of surprises.

On the surface, things have deteriorated steadily over the past 4-1/2 months, to the point where my wife now actually lives with the adulterer, is playing make-believe housewife, and is likely making all sorts of plans for the future with this character. She never answers my calls, and only contacts me with logistical concerns. She is adamant about keeping her position, and gets irritable with me when I stick up for our marriage.

Underneath the surface, though, I have been sowing the seeds of goodwill and unconditional love, and it is a near certainty that these have long since taken hold and are starting to grow a robust root system. It must be rather frustrating for my wife, for in a somewhat insidious way these roots are redefining her life and rewriting that story.

It is with this mixed-bag situation that I will likely go into my weekly meeting with my wife. I have a pretty early start tomorrow, and so it’s possible that she will try to avoid seeing me altogether, and opt for dropping the dog off here while i’m not at home. That would be pretty predictable. Guess I’ll have to wait and see.

One thing strikes me when I think about all the times I’ve sen my wife recently. She just looks so heavy. I don’t mean heavy in the sense of overweight, but rather heavy in terms of her spirit and energy. Everything about her looks tired, worn down, frazzled, deeply uncertain, and horribly unhappy. I don’t know, a woman professing to be as happy as she says she is just shouldn’t look this way. Maybe she is happy when she is up in la-la land, but then she does have to come out to face the real world once a week. That’s where the tension starts, I guess.  Actually I’m pretty sure that the tension is there all the time, it’s just kept at bay by her addiction. (See dopamines, above.)

I’ll just have to wait until tomorrow to see how all this plays out. This is another month with milestones, and this time it’s my birthday. I wonder if she’s going to ignore that or try to engage me somehow. Time will tell, and I remain as committed as ever.

Obstinate Spouse

Do you have an obstinate spouse? Is your spouse uncooperative? Does your spouse try to stop your attempts to reconcile your marriage? Is your spouse just being a jerk, on purpose? Is your spouse cold to you? Has your spouse threatened to cut off all contact? Does your spouse ignore your phone calls, letting them all go to voice mail?  Has your spouse moved out and refused to tell you where they have moved to?

These, and many other questions, would be some of the hallmark traits of an obstinate spouse.

Did you know that, as of this writing, this site ranks fourth in Google for the search term “obstinate spouse”? I was surprised to find that out. I think it’s because I have “obstinate spouse” as one of my post tags, and I must have used that a whole lot. Judging from my tag cloud, I’ve used “wayward spouse” a lot more, but I guess there must just be more competition for that term. That, and the fact that a lot of people have difficulty spelling “obstinate”; I don’t blame them, since it’s not an everyday word.

I get a lot of hits from interesting search queries. Take, for instance, the phrase “chicken house of poo.” Pump that into Google, and you’ll find that I rank on the first page (ninth, as of today) for that phrase, because of this post. I’ve also gotten hits for things like “my wayward spouse’s fog talk” (this is a very interesting topic!) and “Red Tara empowerment 2012”. I wonder what visitors searching for the latter would have thought when they reached this site. Hmmm…

If you’re newly arriving at this website, I should tell you that I am dealing with an obstinate spouse. Actually I’m dealing with a wayward spouse who is being obstinate. But, obstinacy is obstinacy. Here’s an example.

She never answers my phone calls, unless it is either Wednesday or Thursday and she is in town wanting to do a doggie custody swap. Everything else goes straight to voice mail, every single time. I tried calling this morning, and it went to voice mail, and the voice mail cut me off after ten seconds. This happened twice. I was beginning to wonder if she had changed her voice mail settings, but it seems that there are no settings for a ten-second cut-off so it was some sort of anomaly. Nevertheless I learned an interesting new trick: I can ping directly into her voice mail by calling mine, and then sending a message to her from there. That way, she won’t have to deal with the annoying embarrassment of sitting at the table with her adulterous partner, hearing her actual cell phone buzz (she always leaves the ringer off).

I say “actual” because she also has one that he gave her, with a totally different phone number. This is a Top Secret Cell Phone, mind you, even though I’ve seen it a half dozen times, and even have seen its phone number. The obstinate spouse likes to have things like Top Secret Cell Phones, and they are all the more necessary when there is a Top Secret Other Person whom they are hiding from you. This Top Secret Other Person is not hidden from other people, though, just from you, because you are the Actual Spouse. (That would be me.) In addition, there are Top Secret Bank Accounts, along with a Top Secret ATM Card. I have seen this Top Secret ATM Card: it is purple, and has giraffes on it. She paid with it last time we went out. Guess she forgot it’s supposed to be Top Secret.

I guess I’m rambling. There’s really not a whole lot to report sometimes, when you’re dealing with an obstinate spouse. I probably won’t have much to report until I see her again in a few days. That is, of course, unless something unexpected happens, like her affair crashes to the ground. I don’t think this is unlikely. Well, it’s 100% likely that it will come crashing to the ground, but I’m just saying that the likelihood of it crashing to the ground very soon is not all that unlikely.

So, while I’m rambling, I’ll just link to another YouTube file. Since I’ve written so much about Top Secret things, here’s a tune from 1983 by the jazz fusion group The Yellowjackets entitled — what else? — “Top Secret”. The guitar player at the beginning is none other than the inimitable Robben Ford. I learned recently, somewhat to my astonishment, that Robben is a long-time practicing Buddhist, at one time a student of the great Tibetan master Chögyam Trungpa.

Okay, I’ll stop rambling now. Here’s the video.

The fantasy world, and how to deal with it

I received an email this morning from the good folks over at Emotional Affair Journey regarding a Q&A session they did with a family therapist for a new members-only program they are initiating that deals with affair recovery. The topic of the session was the fantasy world that adulterers inhabit, and how to interact with them in such a way as to encourage the bursting of that fantasy bubble.

You can find a pdf of the transcript of that session here.

Incidentally, the featured photo here is one I took in an Asian grocery store last year. They stock a number of products for Russian, Middle Eastern, and Hispanic communities, and this price tag was right below a Russian jar of jam. The label had been printed entirely in Russian, so this was the shop owner’s attempt to decipher it into the Latin Alphabet. I guess that I sometimes feel like the fantasy world that adulterers inhabit take normal, every day events and translate them into gibberish. I’d imagine that their perspective on reality must on some level be as distorted and absurd as the text on this price tag.