The “lone ranger”

I came across this article on Marriage Sherpa today, and it illustrates a basic principle in the marriage reconciliation process: it does not take two to tango. You can absolutely reconcile a marriage, even if only one person is willing to do so. Trust me on this: I’ve been doing it for months now. I still haven’t reconciled my marriage yet, but I do believe that now I am closer than ever. (There have been some late-breaking developments today that I will write about once I’ve got a bit of time to decompress.) My situation is a bit complicated, to be sure, but then again, all marriage reconciliation cases are complicated to some degree.

The reason I think this article is significant is that it flies in the face of much of what is on offered form the marriage “counseling” community. It would seem as if many marriage counselors would more aptly be called “divorce counselors,” as their practices seem more likely to lead to divorce than to reconciliation. Indeed, some I’ve come across seem to be out there mainly to help distressed spouses find “closure” (which, in my opinion, is one of the most bogus terms out there) on their way to finally destroying their marriages. That situation is really quite shameful, so it is good to know that there are at least a few honest souls out there who are sticking up for marriage.

I’ve been lucky to work with a couple of them. My counselor (whom I’ve never met in person, by the way) begins from the premise that you’re married, and you’re going to stay married. This is a very different starting point than the majority of counselors who seem, at best, to be marriage-neutral.

So, what of the reference to the “lone ranger”? Simple. That’s what those of us who follow my marital reconciliation path (Marriage Fitness) are called, if we are doing it on our own. It’s a tough path, but it is doable. The biggest part of the fight is getting the obstinate spouse to wake up enough to see that it would make perfectly good sense to join you on that path. Once they do, things can really fly; getting to that point, however, can be lengthy and require much endurance and stamina.

Anyway, stay tuned for my next update. I had a very positive day today with my wife during her weekly visit. I’m close to cracking that nut wide open — but first the affair fog needs to lift.

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