Thanksgiving, Silence, and Hubbub

Yesterday was Thanksgiving. Looking back a year, this was the first holiday that I spent apart from my wife. She had just launched her affair, which at that point was just a few weeks old, and actually her original plan was to take that affair, which was initially an emotional (i.e. non-physical) affair, physical over the Thanksgiving holiday. The rationale for this, I guess, was the two-fold. First, she felt, as all adulterers tend to feel, that she’d met her soul mate; second, she assumed that I would be out of town visiting family. That turned out not to be the case: I quite stupidly (and stubbornly) decided to remain in town. This meant that I got to suffer the full sting of her walking out to be “with friends” for five days. It was probably among the most painful five days of this whole ordeal. It was after those five days that I shut down any and all talk of the adulterer, to such an extent that, even now, she refuses to talk to me about it — and that’s okay.

So now, here we are, a full year later. It’s been a rather strange few days. Oh, I’m not alone this year: I flew out on Wednesday night to visit family, and I’m with them right now. I have no idea where my wife is, though.

You see, Wednesdays are the days on which I’d normally see my wife: she’d come into town for a rehearsal, spend the night at a colleague’s, and then leave on Thursday afternoon. I know her movements quite well at this point. This is the time frame during which we’d swap “custody” of our dog, and I would get my weekly “date night” in. But, she has avoided me for the past three weeks now, and so I pretty much expected she would just blow me off again this past Wednesday.

She did.

Fortunately, I had made some alternate plans. I had reached out to her to try to find out what her Thanksgiving plans were, and had gotten no response. So, I began to make plans to take the dog along with me on my trip. This meant getting a health certificate (which I wheedled down from $88 to $30), and booking space on the plane for a pet carrier. With all that accomplished, and with no communication from my wife whatsoever, I prepared to leave for work on Wednesday with the dog in tow.

But before I left, something truly curious happened: I logged onto Facebook, which I rarely visit these days, and had received a message from an old college friend. I had changed my “profile” picture a few days previous to one of me and my wife, and apart from the flurry of “likes” that ensued, I got this message from this friend. We were at college together many years ago, and I actually have not seen him for well over ten years, as he lives in another country. He has never met my wife, but knows her virtually through me, and through Facebook, since he’s on her friend list. His message was simple: he asked me if I were back with my wife, and if so, to say hello.

My response was also quite simple. I said that I wasn’t sure what he meant: I am and always will be 100% committed to my wife. He happened to be online, so he pinged me back right away, saying that this was all very weird, as he had a person on his “friends” list of my wife’s exact name (using her maiden name, of course), and this person listed some other person (the adulterer, of course) as her partner. I was about to reply, when he pinged again, asking whether it could be some big mistake. Perhaps, he suggested, my wife had erased her account, and some other person with her name appeared on his list. (I know this is basically impossible, but he did seem genuinely confused.) I told him that I had no idea, and that I was seldom on Facebook anyway. He apologized for the confusion, and we wished each other well.

Knowing this friend quite well, I know him to be quite curious, and at times also somewhat naïve. I expected that he would get in touch with my wife immediately thereafter, and ask questions to ascertain her identity, i.e. “are you really so-and-so’s wife?” And, with my wife’s apparent Facebook addiction (I’ve heard from many people that she copiously posts pictures and other things there), coupled with her general lack of responsibilities, I imagined he would find her online and they’d have a dialogue.

This could very well be what happened. Later that day, I discovered something very curious: my wife had unblocked me on Facebook. Now, she blocked me way back in January, because she didn’t want me to know what she was up to. But, while blocking a user prevents that person from following your profile, it also makes the blocked user’s profile invisible to you as well. I believe she probably unblocked me to see the picture I’d put on my profile page. This has got to be somewhat of a shock to her system.

Now, let me be clear: I did not change that photo to provoke a response. I did it because I’m standing for my marriage. I don’t know (or particularly care) what my wife has said to others about me and our situation, but I have kept my entire marriage crisis private from just about anyone who might know me or my wife. The only people who do know, outside of a few family members, are people that my wife has told. These people generally do not talk about this with me.

So, I guess I’m awaiting the blowback from this latest revelation, if any. It’s kind of hard for me to imagine where things are going to go from here. I’m pretty certain that this will just destabilize her adulterous relationship even further.

As for now, I’m just enjoying the time with family, relaxing and soaking up the sunshine.