Karma Is Weird

Here we are again, and another Wednesday has come and gone. In months gone by, this would be the day when my wife would contact me, either to pick up the dog, or to drop her off. Not these days. She slammed the wall of silence shut four weeks ago today, and has not reopened it — yet.

Since I have not seen her, I have been somewhat hampered in my efforts to reach out to her. I used to use these Wednesdays (or sometimes Thursdays) as opportunities to connect: we would exchange “custody” of the dog, and I’d get a “date night” out of it, and at the same time would usually drop off some little goodie or other; you know, the whole “giving presence” thing. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, then you’d need to check out Marriage Fitness.) But, with the knowledge that my wife would normally be in town today, I set out to drop off a little package of goodies for her on my way to work.

Since I had to make a deposit at the bank, I swung by a branch that was near the colleague’s house that my wife stays at when she’s in town. The plan was simple: I’d make the deposit, and then drop by the colleague’s house and leave the little package for her there. So, I park my car at the bank and go inside to one of the cash machines to make a deposit. Wouldn’t you know — right in the middle of that transaction my wife goes walking by right outside the bank. Since I’m in the middle of a transaction, I couldn’t just run outside to say hello, so I wrapped it up as fast as I could and then exited the bank. It had only been about 30 seconds, but she was long gone. As I drove away, I was that she was headed down an alley toward the colleague’s house.

Well, there went that plan. Since she keeps her phone shut off, I couldn’t exactly call her to let her know that I’d stop by. So, I just went to work.

While at work, I emailed the colleague to see if it would be okay to drop the package off later in the evening. The colleague said that, as far as she was concerned, I’d be welcome to drop by anytime. (She emphasized this by writing, “Really.” as a separate sentence.) So, I did drop by on my way home to work, and I chatted with the colleague briefly. Actually, she invited me in, and said I’d be welcome to wait for my wife to arrive. Her arrival was more than an hour off, and since she had no idea I’d be there, I declined. She asked about me, and about our dog, and I said everything was fine. She accepted the package for me, and then told me she’d relate the message (about me and the dog) to my wife, and would give her the package. This is a bit odd, as the colleague knows all about the adulterer, as far as I can determine. I believe she feels really uneasy about what my wife is doing, and I don’t blame her.

So then I came home.

Now, for those Buddhists out there, I’m sure you know that “karma” essentially means “action.” Everything is karma. The fact that I put myself in the eventual path of my wife today, well, that was karma. The fact that she walked right by that bank, that was karma, too. The fact that I missed an opportunity to interact with her, that’s also karma. The fact that this colleague was so helpful is nothing other than karma.

But there’s another action that has happened since my last post, and that’s karma as well. As I wrote in that post, my wife rather unexpectedly unblocked me from her Facebook account. Alas, that lasted all of a few days, no more. As of yesterday morning, she had blocked me again. Apparently my mere presence in her life is so odious that she just cannot take it. Well, truth be told, it’s not me, but rather how my presence reminds her of her actions, and of the errors of her ways. That’s the bigger problem.