Something odd happened today. I was in the office for a rather longish meeting; well, that’s not odd, but what happened just after that meeting wrapped up is: the wall of silence broke.
I was doing a bit of paperwork and had logged on to my online calendar when I received an email from my wife.
It was a rather brief email, just a paragraph in length, but it contained quit a lot. This is the first communication I’ve had from her in a month.
She thanked me for the little gift I had left for her a few days ago. She also thanked me for the messages I’m sending her, saying that she enjoys reading and listening to them. She apologized for not having responded. She thanked me for taking care of our dog.
She thanked me for a bunch of stuff: for our marriage, for the life we had built together, for the ways in which I truly understood her, supported her, and loved her unconditionally.
She also apologized for a bunch fo stuff: for having betrayed and abandoned me, for having hurt me, my family, and my friends, for not having been there for me through difficult times. She apologized for the awful things she said to me the last time we met. She apologized for having been dependent on me, and for not having held up her end of the relationship.
She assured me that she does not have any negative feelings for me, and that she truly appreciates me.
She also stated that she felt sorry that I still believe in our marriage, but honestly, this was kind of weak sauce.
Now, I might ask myself, “Why now? Why is she saying these things now?”
Honestly, I have no idea. This email came in during the middle of the day, and it was a dreary, rainy day at that. She probably feels lonely. She probably feels guilty. She probably feels unfulfilled with where her choices have led her. She probably is beginning to feel remorse and regret.
I’ve said on a few occasions that the last couple of times I saw her she appeared to be on the verge of a breakdown. I imagine she had some sort of breakdown today, even if only a minor one.
She has a concert on Sunday, and I am going. The adulterer will most likely be there as well. These will most certainly be a very interesting few days ahead.