What, a new car battery? Read on, please.
Today is Wednesday, and that means it is the day my wife normally comes into town. She’s in town even as I write this, and I can see the evidence in our online bank statement showing the purchases she has made. Normally, she’ll have her phone turned on when she comes into town, because she’ll want to coordinate a pick-up or drop-off of the dog. This is supposed to be her week to have the dog. Typically, I’d get a text in the morning to ask about this situation. Today?
Nothing. Not a peep. I called her, and she has her cell phone switched off. I believe this is the Last Great Push before the final meltdown and her subsequent return home. Let me explain why.
I have been looking on occasion at her blog and also at the adulterer’s professional Facebook, but not for information, at least not fundamentally. Information doesn’t really help me, because it doesn’t change what I’ve got to do. Instead, I’m looking at these pages as they sometimes give me an indication of where she’s at, mentally.
As I noted before, her posting to these pages has become quite sporadic. I find this to be rather curious, especially because she’s not busy at all. What’s more curious, though, is the content of the last post that she made to her blog. Some time in the past few days, she met with an old friend who was visiting from out of town. She had not seen this friend for about 11 years. I remember her speaking with this friend a few years ago, in fact. This woman lives in California, and her husband was working in Silicon Valley. She had just had a baby, and a few months later discovered that her husband, who had been putting in long hours at work, was having an affair with a co-worker. Her reaction was typical: confront the spouse, give ultimatums, and then file for divorce.
So now, a few years later, here that friend is in a picture with my wife. My wife describes her as her “best friend.” This in itself is curious: I had always been her best friend, and once this crisis erupted I was replaced by a colleague who lives a couple of blocks away from us, a woman who gave my wife safe harbor and encouragement for the commission of adultery. Best-friend rankings notwithstanding, here is this woman, sitting outside a cafe with my wife, enjoying a snack and a cup of tea. This woman has now been divorced for about two years or so, and mind you she is the victim of adultery, yet she seems to be comfortable catching up my wife, who, by the way, is of course an adulteress. Does this make any sense?
It doesn’t make any sense to me. There seems to be some odd sort of disconnect in my wife’s world. She has other people in her circle of acquaintances who have been victims of adultery yet who still relate to her, listen to her trials and tribulations, give her encouragement, and so on. I find this very bizarre.
What’s also rather bizarre is that, in this picture, my wife is wearing a pair of boots I bought for her birthday last year. The weather has started to cool down here with the onset of autumn, so I guess she can wear those again. She does love those boots. So now we have this most recent blog post, and on top of that a return to the let’s-ignore-the-spouse mode.
Here’s my take on this turn of events. I believe that my wife’s situation has become very unstable in the recent weeks. I have seen her precisely twice since the 5-week period of silence that started in August. Now she seems to be returning to those tactics again. I do believe that, when I get home tonight (I’m at work as I type this; read on, please), I’ll find the dog still at home. There is something about being with me that is just too destabilizing for her right now.
My sense is that the affair is in trouble. It’s been almost eleven months now, and so it’s probably pumpkin time for that relationship. I think there probably have been arguments and disagreements, and that the veneer has worn off that relationship such that it now looks like the fraudulent sham (is that redundant?) that it is. At the same time, I think she feels trapped: she appears to have moved some or possibly all of her stuff into his house, and she also seems to have bought an old junker of a piano that resides in his living room. (This is evident from other photos on her blog.) She probably does not know how she can extricate herself from that situation. Not only that, I imagine that her move-out from our marital home — an act which I’m all but certain the adulterer pressured her into — was a traumatic event for her; she almost certainly repressed that trauma, but it seems to me that the idea of moving out of the adulterer’s house will be yet another trauma she’ll have to inflict on herself. All of this would go quite a long way to explain my last encounter with her: as I reflect back upon that encounter, I just recall this overall sense of sadness about her, and a rather general, vague kind of depression. Things really are not okay in her world, that much is obvious. I don’t think she’ll voluntarily exit that relationship, though. She is very strong-willed and is capable of walking away from it, but I don’t think her will is that strong. I think it will take a major event to end it: a huge fight, or something similar, and the adulterer will probably have to insist that she leave.
This makes the blog and Facebook posts even more interesting: they have a certain carefree, nothing-could-be-better aspect to them that is clearly superficial. It is as if she needs to create these posts to convince herself that her life up there at Camp C-S is really carefree, happy, and perfect. It’s just getting easier and easier to see right through these artifices. It’s as if she has two faces: one that she presents to the world, and another that she shows me, and these two simply cannot be reconciled. This is why she shuts me out. She simply cannot maintain that external face to the world when I can see into her heart and divine her true feelings. That would just be too dangerously destabilizing for her story.
So, I think she will not come by the house to pick up the dog today. She has not contacted me at all, and I think the adulterer feels very uncomfortable being around our house in any event. I don’t think he’ll voluntarily go there. Not only that, I think that any request for him to do so would likely add more tension to that already fragile, failing relationship. Clearly they can’t have that now, could they?
Nevertheless, I did put out the dog’s carrier bag before I left, and secreted a few little gifts in it. Then I walked out the door and got into the car. I put the key in the ignition, and the engine wouldn’t crank. Hmmmmm… I had noticed it cranking a bit more slowly over the past few days, as the weather had gotten colder at night. I think the battery had been getting weak, without really much advance warning, and seems to have mostly discharged overnight. So, I took the bus to work. It’s a 20-minute drive, but a 90-minute bus ride that involves 3 transfers. Yikes.
What does this all mean, dear reader? Well, I think I’m in the final phase in which the affair winds down and comes unglued. I don’t have nay personal experience of this, of course, but it just seems really that she is getting ready to exit that whole process once and for all. It could literally be days, if not hours at this point. I just don’t think this has the potential to keep going much longer.
It also means that I’m gonna need a new car battery tomorrow morning. If you’d like to do me a good turn, feel free to chip in via the “donate” button below. My car will thank you — and so will my wife: she’ll need me to get in that car and race out to rescue her from Camp Chickens**t pretty soon.