A New Look for the New Year

The lunar new year came and went this past week. In my spiritual tradition (Vajrayana Buddhism), we observe the lunar new year, which this year occurred on February 11th.  The lunar new year is considered an important marker that functions in a couple of ways. First, it is said that, in the 10 days prior to to the new year, all of the negative karma one has collected tends to gather up and come to fruition, so it is said to be a good time to sort of lay low, generally be mindful and careful, and to devote oneself to one’s spiritual practice. These karmic “fruitionings” are called “döns” in the Tibetan tradition; a dön is basically something like a naughty spirit that hits you with unexpected surprises. I never had really considered this before, but I found myself injuring my hands quite a bit in this most recent “dön season”—nothing major, just little cuts and scratches and such, all of which happened when I wasn’t really being mindful. The other way in which the lunar new year functions is as a sort of “gate” through which one can figuratively pass, leaving behind mental clutter and negativity from the past year, with the aspiration of making a better way through life in the year to cone.

It was with this latter in mind that I entered with due diligence into the days preceding the new year, taking on some new spiritual practices (for purification), and making a renewed commitment to my practice, which had been somewhat languishing, as well as to renounce useless or unproductive behaviors and ways of thinking. Most of these center around my marriage and the crisis that has been ongoing within it over the past 15 months or so. I came to realize that I simply had been holding much too tightly to my desired outcomes, and had to just be okay with whatever needs to happen, and to allow that to unfold on its own, and at its own pace.

One of the first things I did was to thoroughly clean the house, and then begin to rearrange furniture. My wife was always an avid feng shui practitioner, and in fact I helped her to develop her interests and skills, buying her her first feng shui book nearly nine years ago. All those books went with her when she moved out, so I had to do some research of my own. What I found out was kind of shocking.

The first room I decided to rearrange was the bedroom. This room is longer than it is wide; however, we had the bed oriented along the narrowest dimension, crowding the available space. Researching my personal kua number, I found that the bed had been oriented in the worst possible direction—for me. For my wife, it was okay, but for me, I was sleeping in the worst possible direction. I moved the bed around to face my optimal direction (the crown of one’s head should point in this optimal direction, so if that direction is north, then the headboard will be along the center of the north wall), and two things happened. First, there suddenly was a large amount of available space that could be used for other purposes. Second, there was a palpable shift in the room’s energy, and this has since made s notable shift in my sleep patterns and overall well-being.

I have more research to do, and will be starting to work on the other rooms of the house, as well as undertaking some more general remedies that have to do with our house location and environment.

One other change has been the appearance of this blog: I’m shifting toward a more text-based, minimal theme for this site, and have been experimenting with various layouts. I’m not quite done with this yet, but for now, things will probably stay as they are for another week or two.

Rather coincidentally, the lunar new year also happened to fall on the day for which my wife’s import application for the dog (i.e. to take her overseas) would expire. As I wrote in my last post, she had asked me to get a rabies titer for the dog, so that she could clear quarantine quickly. I had proactively booked an appointment with the vet, but was reluctant to go through with it—the cost was rather exorbitant—without speaking to her about it.

She refused to call, of course. However, the day before the scheduled appointment, I received an email from the quarantine service overseas (I’m not sure my wife was aware that I was routinely being CC’ed on these by that office) stating that the application had been canceled. So, I forwarded this email to my wife, and asked her to explain, and that, absent some valid explanation for continuing with the titer, I’d cancel the appointment.

A series of rather sheepish emails followed, in which she told me that she had been too late in trying to get that process going, and that we essentially did not need the test. She admitted that she had no plans to take the dog overseas in the foreseeable future. So, I canceled the appointment, and told her she could contact me to discuss.

She did not.

We were supposed to meet mid-week to discuss our tax situation, and since she had originally requested to see me for this purpose, I asked her to call me to arrange that meeting.

She did not. Gosh, you’d think I’m getting stonewalled here, or something.

This meeting would have happened the day before Valentine’s day, and having received the okay from the colleague to drop stuff off for my wife at her house, I stopped by that morning and left her some breakfast. She had not yet arrived, when I swung by; it was quite convenient for me, as it was on the way to a couple of errands I had to run that morning. I thought it appropriate that the first thing my wife sees upon returning to town to be something from me. This gesture was, quite predictably, met with silence—no acknowledgement whatsoever—even though I know she received it.

The rest of my week was occupied with work, work, work. I have been extremely busy of late, which in part explains why there have been so few posts here recently. Things will start to slow down a bit next week, so I’ll have a bit more time to muse on the situation as it now stands. Basically, we are in end-stage adultery, in which the affair’s inevitable demise is being forestalled as much as possible. I wish she or the adulterer would come to their senses a bit quicker, but this is how things go when dealing with extreme egocentrism. There is an ugly mess that is needing clean-up over there on aisle “A” (get it?), and neither of them wants to acknowledge it yet. That day of reckoning is rapidly approaching, my friends.

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2 thoughts on “A New Look for the New Year”

    1. Thanks. I’m just trying to make the site a bit simpler and more accessible; I’d like to have resources promoted to a more prominent position, since so many people land here after doing google searches for things like “obstinate spouse.”

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