Alone again, naturally

When I was, oh, maybe 6 years old or so, I used to really like that song by Gilbert O’Sullivan. I had no idea what it was all about, or how depressing the subject matter actually was. Somehow, my parents bought me the 45 single of it, too, and I must have played it over and over again on my little Fisher Price record player. I remember putting rocks on the tonearm, because the records would skip sometimes. I don’t remember if this was one that skipped, but most of them eventually did. Maybe that’s the fate of a 45-rpm record with a child’s record player.

Now, I’m not anywhere near the emotional state of the fictional narrator of that song, you know, the person who was planning on chucking himself off a tower. But I am feeling a little low. My wife has been gone for three days on another romp with the adulterer. What can I say? I miss her. I miss her presence. I miss her voice. I miss her hair. I miss her laugh. I miss her smell. I miss her sense of humor. I miss her funny mispronunciations of words and occasional mangling of grammar. I miss it all. I’d just really like her back. Is that too much to ask?

I guess for the moment it is. She’ll either return tomorrow morning or the morning after, I’m not really sure which. She’ll have the dog in tow, and hopefully she (the dog) won’t be filthy and smeared with chicken shit. She (my wife) will be wearing the boots I got her for her birthday. If she gets home early enough, I might be wearing the pajamas she got me for Christmas.

Heaven only knows what sort of mood she’ll be in when she arrives. In the past, this has ranged from friendly to ice cold, from happy to see me to annoyed with the world. She has often returned with a renewed vigor to leave me. So her returns are not always a happy event for yours truly. This return may in fact be difficult, as she’s planning to move into house #2 on Wednesday. This event is likely something that has been weighing on her mind, and I wouldn’t doubt that it has come up during her time with the adulterer this weekend. It possibly could have engendered some tension between the two of them as well. To my knowledge, this man is biding his time, delaying any possible move-in by my wife. I’m not sure where that all stands right now, but he’s pushed it off at least 2 months, if not more, from her original target move-in date of January 1st. My hope is that my wife will eventually see that he probably just doesn’t want her to move in at all. He just wants to date. It’s not unlikely that he also has some other woman lined up on the side. You just never know with these lechers.

I do expect some drama and conflicted emotions. She has been under the apparent advise to be grateful to me, yet at the same time, she’d like to be rid of me and be with him full time. But full-time cohabitation with him is not possible. This means that she has had to couch-surf for the past several weeks, and will need to continue couch surfing for the foreseeable future. That is, unless she makes the smart choice and just comes home.

Would I take her back into the house? Of course. Even with the affair in full swing? Absolutely. Her whole reason for leaving was to make the affair more feasible. Returning to the house places obstacles between her and the adulterer. Plus, I get the opportunity to work directly with her to move toward reconciliation.

It’s anyone’s guess how things will play out this week. I would expect that she does move on to house #2, but I’m less sure about the boxes she has packed. She seems so conflicted about just about everything that I just don’t see her following through 100% with anything right now. I just hope she fails to follow through with the move to house #2, and commits to work on her dissertation here at home with me.

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