There are times during the process of trying to reach reconciliation that nothing seems to happen. I call this being “in limbo,” and I’ve been in and out of this state a number of times. Right now, I’m back in limbo again.
It never ceases to amaze me just how childish an adult can be at times. My wife’s behavior is really nothing more than that, the adult equivalent of plugging her fingers in her ears, running up to her room, slamming the door shut, and then hiding in the closet. Only the adult version is much more problematic. Adults can rationalize this behavior as normal, acceptable, and even virtuous. They can convince themselves that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with betraying those closest to them, leaving a path of destruction in their wake. Sooner or later the destruction becomes evident, though.
I learned today that she is telling people that she no longer lives in this city. She has moved out of town. She considers her official domicile to be Camp You-Know-What. Can you believe this? Two grown adults playing make-believe. Make believe relationship, make-believe family, make-believe life with no problems whatsoever. I hardly ever see her anymore. About all I can count on for the time being is one day a week, when we exchange custody of the dog. Neat, huh?
I guess this is what she meant when she said she’d be moving into an apartment “somehow.” Basically, she lied. There was no apartment, and never was going to be one. She probably just ruled that out once she realized she couldn’t afford it, and then the coward (as that person henceforth shall be known) stepped in to offer an ersatz domicile. I’ve stopped counting the lies. I think I had to stop once they numbered in the dozens. We are probably into the thousands at this point. The constant lies are annoying.
You know what else is annoying? The silence. It’s not deafening, it’s just childish and stupid. I know she gets my phone calls, I know she listens to my voice mails. She has not complained about them for a couple of months now, either. But she still refuses to pick up the phone. Now I know that there are those out there, marriage professionals among them, who would say you just should hold up on the phone calls, limit them to once a day, or not do them at all. I can tell you what’s going to happen if you do that: nothing at best, further separation at worst. I call three times a day, no matter what, and each time it goes straight to voice mail.
Really, the whole situation is just so pointless and stupid at this point. I’ve been dealing with this for six months, and it is starting to get old. I’ve moved on, she’s regressed. Yeah, we know all that already. No need to review all that. I’m just beginning to wonder how much longer I’m going to have to endure. I’ve heard stories of situations that went on for seven, eight, even nine months. I’ve also heard of situations that turned around in three months or less. I know she’ll tire of the life she’s leading sooner or later.
For now, all I can say is that every day that passes puts me one day closer to reconciliation. That can’t be all bad.