Another Milestone

It was a year ago today┬áthat my wife moved out of our house. She hired a mover, whom she paid a couple hundred bucks, to move her stuff a couple of blocks from here in to a friend’s garage. She did not tell me this, but that’s what I learned later. Sometime after that, the stuff got schlepped up to Camp You-Know-Where, ostensibly in the back of the adulterer’s pickup truck.

I’m not sure really how to mark a milestone like this. My wife has had 365 days of not living here to figure things out. I don’t know if she has done that, yet. But it is clear to me that her heart and mind seem to be in a different place very recently than where they were at just a month ago. Know-betters, listen up: when you say an obstinate spouse is “done,” and “can never change,” you really don’t know what you’re talking about. Nobody is ever “done,” and the only thing for certain in human existence is change. I won’t go into the philosophical aspects of this, but even on its face the idea that a person cannot change is both ludicrous and inconsistent with both logic and fact.

So it was that I came home from work this afternoon with a mission: to make a video for my wife. I sat myself down by the shrine in our bedroom, and taped 5 versions of the same thing; in the end, I went with the first complete version, as it was the most genuine in its emotion and spontaneity. In this video, I described the idea and process of journey, relating to her the fact that we both began a journey a year ago today; hers was one of choice, mine was not. I have learned many things during that journey, and have experienced a year of true transformation and self-betterment. I don’t know what her year was like, and I related this confusion to her; I suspect it has been nothing at all like my year, and that any personal growth that could have happened has been stunted all that time.

I related to her that journeys, while perhaps embarked upon with a good deal of excitement and sometimes a bit of fear, seldom turn out as we might have imagined. They might be better, or worse, but in general they’re just different: our imagination, it seems, provides very different images than what reality provides.

For this reason, I closed my video with an offer. I told her that the door to our house is still open. Should she feel tired or weary from her journey, or just want to be here for any reason at all, she can just come back.

She will not be judged. She will just be welcomed.

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2 thoughts on “Another Milestone”

  1. I hope she responds to your video. I would imagine that it has, in fact, been a year of personal emotional growth and change for her — just different from the way you experienced it. I truly hope you have the opportunity to find out.

    1. Thanks, Mary. It’s been a long haul, for sure. But honestly, I think my patience is the least that I can put forward. I think about how long it has taken to get to this point, at which she hopefully can awaken, and think about what I went through prior to this crisis, and that it actually took this crisis for me to truly awaken. Maybe I’ll write about that soon.

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