“The only job you start at the top is digging a hole,” or so the expression goes. This week, my wife began to dig herself a real hole, and I don’t think she’ll enjoy the fruits of this job very much.
Wednesday came and went this week. Wednesday is the day that she normally appears to take care of her very few professional obligations. It’s also the day on which we typically meet, now that I’m very busy on Thursdays, to see each other and deal with dog “custody” swaps. She never called me, nor did she answer my calls. This was rather odd.
Last week, she told me that she had left her cell phone charger at a friend’s place and that the battery had died. This would explain why all my calls went straight to voice mail without the phone even ringing. In the run-up to her Wednesday arrival, this happened again. I was honestly a bit perturbed. I also felt it rather abnormal that she wouldn’t call or pick up the phone when I called her on Wednesday morning, as this would be normally the only time during the week that she would answer.
I had a full day of work, so I really did not know what to expect when I got home. I arrived around 6:00, and quickly found that the dog had been dropped off. I also saw a note on the dining room table from my wife. In it, she said that her cell phone wasn’t charging properly, and so she was having trouble checking her voice mail. She also thanked me for a couple of things I had gotten her, and hoped I was doing well. Then she said that she would be very busy the next few days and wouldn’t be able to see me. This was odd.
Shortly thereafter, I was online checking email and such, and came upon an embedded link that led to her blog. This is not the same blog she has been writing for the past five years, one that I have hosted for her for the past several years. This is one that she was hosting on Blogger that is documenting her “new life” with the adulterer. Ugh.
I read an article over on Marriage Sherpa today that dealt with getting rid of “haunting” post-affair images and how to deal with them. I don’t know why it is, but it seems the majority of the adultery-related articles I see deal with affairs that have ended. But what about the ones that are still going on? I don’t need to wait until the affair ends to see those haunting images. There they were, in plain view, for the entire world — including me – to see.
The first post documented her new “family” and new “life,” showing pictures of the adulterer and other stuff. There were pictures of the garden and the idyllic setting. It was basically a fairy tale writ large. On that same page, there was a link to a short film she apparently was in, one that would be screening that same night at the local independent film festival. I later saw this same link on Facebook. She was starring in it, as was the adulterer. It was a silent short film, about 7 minutes in length, that had been submitted as part of a populist screening in which the audience votes for its favorites. They apparently have been doing this for a couple of years: they announce the rules on a Friday, and then the films are made over the weekend for submission the following Monday. So this explains her being “busy”: she had to go to that screening that night. Okay, whatever.
I had a session with my counselor this morning to go over all of these things. His impression is that my wife has compartmentalized her life, keeping discrete elements separate from one another, e.g. her adulterous life, her married life, and the real world. Most of the week she lives in that more or less hermetically sealed fairy-tale world, but one or two days a week she has to deal with me, and this in turn puts her in direct contact with the real world. I reckon that the fairy tale world is not all that she thought it would be cracked up to be, and that now she is beginning to feel need to go even more public with her tales of adultery in a vain attempt to make the unacceptable somewhat more palatable.
This won’t work.
Sooner or later, something will give. There have already been signs that there are pressures on her affair. One cannot live immorally at length without expecting some pushback from the universe. When that pushback does happen, it cannot be argued with, for it only intensifies if one tries to resist. Nevertheless, my wife seems committed to digging herself that hole of immorality, one that will eventually cause great embarrassment, humiliation, and remorse. I wish I could stop it, but she just has to live through this in order to learn just how wrong her actions are.