Yes, once again, it’s another post about my wife going incommunicado. I’ve written at least a half dozen of these now. Each time, it seems, she goes silent or does something to attempt to cut off communication. This time isn’t really any different in that regard: her cell phone has been shut off since last Thursday, and she hasn’t responded to any form of communication at all.
But this time is a bit different in one regard: anomalies abound. First of all, she has gone nearly silent on her blog postings and updates to the adulterer’s professional Facebook page. There really isn’t much content being shared on either venue at the moment, despite the fact that she pretty much has all the time in the world. In fact, she let her blog rest silent for three weeks, and when she did post, it was content that was at least two weeks old. This is very odd. Her very few Facebook posts have been both trivial and superficial; these seem to be vain attempts to preserve the veneer of the affair as nothing less than perfect. So this lack of open communication to the world about the perfectness of her life is, in itself, anomalous.
What’s more anomalous is the side of reality she shows me. The last two times I have seen her she has seemed depressed and preoccupied. It has seemed to me like she has a lot on her mind, and that the supposed perfect life really isn’t working out anymore. I somehow don’t doubt that to be true at this point. I even have the sense that she may be considering coming home, given some of the comments and little feelers she has put out over the last couple times I’ve seen her. One thing I’m sure she notices is that, regardless of how “perfect” she has claimed her life to be right now, I certainly appear to be far more happy than she.
Look, folks, we are about 11 months into this affair now, and these things don’t have tremendous staying power. Eleven months is a pretty good haul for a totally immoral relationship. It’s certainly long enough for the infatuation to have worn off, and with it wearing off, so goes the affair fog. I have no personal experience in dealing with affairs — this is the first I’ve seen up close and personal — but I suspect that this is how they end. It appears to me that there has been a flurry of activity, starting around mid-July, that has been geared toward plugging holes in a sinking ship. It’s as if the fog began to burn off sometime around then, and with this burn-off came a concomitant attempt to keep that fog in place. Now, as things (hopefully) seem to be petering out, those attempts become both more vain and more sporadic. In fact, the last post I saw was almost a cry from the darkness. I almost have the feeling that there may not be any more such posts before I find out the affair has ended once and for all.
I’ve got nothing to go on beyond intuition here, but I think that something is brewing up there at Camp C-S and it is not good. I think there have been enough disagreements and fights by this time that the wheels have finally started to come off. I even think it possible that there could have been game-ending arguments, and that she possibly could have been asked to leave Camp C-S once and for all. I don’t know, I just don’t know.
One thing I do know is, I’m ready.