I got home this evening (I’ll get to that in a moment) and found my suspicions to be true. As I wrote in my last post, I suspected that my wife would just totally blow me off this week and not even bother to pick up her dog. I think she goes through phases in which she is resentful of me for whatever reason, and when she gets that way she just shuts her phone off and ignores me. This current phase has been going on for about a week, and is an extension fo the five-week, ignore-the-husband phase that started last month. And, as I wrote before, I think this has a lot to do with the affair itself becoming very instable and susceptible severe damage from the slightest, which in this case would be an itty-bitty phone call from yours truly.
So, I arrived home and the dog was here. Remember, to my wife, her dog is her world. Her dog is her most prized possession. She cannot stand to be without the dog. Well, except for sometimes. She went an entire month without the dog, and so she’s going to go another week. I don’t really get it, except to think that the whole idea of sharing custody of a dog must be so contentious to the “other man” (i.e. the adulterer) that he has managed to convince her not to go there. Whatever. This will ultimately be a temporary situation. I really think the affair is on thin ice right now and that it won’t take very much to shatter it.
Fortunately, I didn’t have a long bus ride home tonight. My boss lives a couple of miles from here and offered me a lift. I somehow thought he’d do that. He seems to respect me, and to enjoy the camaraderie. Not only did he offer me a lift, but he also offered me his portable jump-starter that he happened to have in the back of his car, fully charged and ready for deployment. I was beginning to think that I was having good luck, or something.
Actually, I’ve got to say that it’s sort of been like a run of good luck these past couple of days. Last week, a colleague left a bunch of free-ride tickets for the bus system here; I don’t know where he got them, but I grabbed a few with an eye to giving them to my wife, since she rides the bus whenever she is in town. However, since I sensed that I would not be seeing her at all this week, and since the tickets will have expired by next week, they really came in handy when I suddenly had to hop on the bus. I only had a couple dollars in cash on hand, and that would not have been sufficient to get me there and back, and I wouldn’t be able to stop off at a bank along the way.
So, I popped the tickets into my pocket and headed out the door. The bus was late, but my connecting bus was early, so I was able to hop right on. This got me to my next transfer point early enough to take an earlier bus, which got me to my next transfer point early enough to hop on another, earlier bus. (Yes, I had to make three transfers, that’s why it took an hour and a half.) The weather was nice, too, so I didn’t mind all the time outdoors waiting on those connections. It was sort of a domino-effect of early arrival, early departure.
What’s with all the good luck, then? I don’t know, or maybe I do, sort of. I started doing some work with self-hypnosis about a month ago; it’s something I had had some experience with many years ago, and had had a session or two with a professional hypnotherapist at one point. As a regular meditator, the hypnotic state is very familiar, as it is not all that dissimilar from some forms of meditative absorption. I did a bit of research last month on self-hypnosis, just out of curiosity, really, and was surprised to find a dearth of stateside companies producing such materials. Basically, there weren’t any. All of the reputable companies I was finding were in the U.K. I found a company called HypnosisDownloads.com that is run by a staff of professional hypnotherapists. And when I say “professional,” I do mean Ph.Ds, not some random hucksters who claim to command hefty sums for their services. These guys know what they’re doing, and are not afraid to explain it. They even offer a free audio course through which you can learn self-hypnosis, and it’s a very good course, too: they explain the theories and concepts, the different techniques (confusional language, nominalizations, etc.), how indirect hypnosis works, and so on.
But I digress; what does this have to do with luck, anyway? Well, I had already bought a couple of their downloads (you can see the full list here) and had joined their so-called “Growth Zone,” which offers substantial discounts, when I decided, rather intuitively and somewhat on a lark, to try out one of their downloads on luck. It’s called “Be Lucky,” and builds on the work of Richard Wiseman, who studied the traits and habits of lucky individuals in a book called The Luck Factor, only to discover that luck appears to have more to do with behavioral choices and characteristics than chance. I’ve worked with this download a bit, and it does seem to have had an effect.
I do think that self-hypnosis can be an invaluable resource for people who find themselves in marital crises. There are many negative thought and emotional patterns that can be diverted and redirected in positive ways via skillful self-hypnosis. I’ve also found that there are some skills that can be developed through hypnosis that provide real insight that have recently helped me to cut through some of the more confusing aspects of my reconciliation efforts. Best of all, it’s easy to do, and it’s not expensive either. I’ve put some links up on a separate page that you might find helpful.
But this post isn’t a sales pitch. I only offer these ideas because I honestly have found them helpful — very helpful. No, this post is supposed to be a recap of the day, sort of the other bookend to which my last post makes a pair. It’s just gone midnight here, so I guess I’d better leave tomorrow’s post for, well, today.