I sometimes wish that people would just stick to their area of specialization. I don’t go to my car mechanic for a hernia operation, and I wouldn’t go to a dermatologist for a pizza, so why would people go to anyone other than an experienced marriage coach for marital advice? And why would anyone who is not an expert in this domain give such advice? Beats me. This energy worker, who is a state-licensed massage therapist, apparently thinks she’s qualified to give marital advice. There seems to be no question raised in her mind as to whether or not a woman, who is in the throes of an adulterous relationship, coming to her for advice would be able to talk logically about her situation. So, I guess she listens and listens and reads my wife’s chakras, which of course are all fucked up. Why wouldn’t they be? Do you think your energy meridians are going to stay balanced if you lie to people 24/7?
My wife did tell me that her energy was all messed up, and that the session did help. What she didn’t tell me, but what the leaky walls of secrecy yielded, was that she was advised to go get an apartment for 6 months. Actually, she could also just stay with friends if she wanted to save on the rent, but she should at least offer to pay something. Now, why did the “energy worker” give this advice? Simple: she felt that it would be unlikely that my wife could reach an agreement for a non-contested divorce with her husband (i.e. me) if I found out that she was living with the adulterer.
Oh, brother. This is all so pathetic and stupid. Do you see, dear reader, just how delusional the mind of the adulterer is? They forget that they have taken a vow that includes the words “forsaking all others.” Then they come to you and tell you that marriage isn’t eternal, that people change, and yadda, yadda, yadda. My wife actually told me at the outset of this crisis, that she didn’t feel she was cheating on me because she already thought her marriage was over. “I already divorced you in my mind,” were the exact words she said. Really? What kind of logic is that? Somehow, in their little adulterer-brain-stem minds, and since they haven’t actually done so already, they think that exiting the marriage is the solution to their problems, that the months of infidelity will be wiped clean retroactively.
It won’t be. Nor will the whole violation of the “forsaking all others” thing be erased.
Basically, at this point I have no idea what she plans to do. Her plans, such as they are, change from day to day. She has no coherent vision of the future. She wants “independence” but is totally dependent on others, more so now than prior to this crisis. She wants to be happy, but is manifestly miserable. She wants a quick, easy fix to her situation, and there is none. Sheesh. I already know this. Look, I’ve been working on myself, trying to get my marriage to the point where we could begin to reconcile for over 3 months now. She’s done absolutely nothing of any use to anyone. All she has done is to run away from her problems into a fairy-tale world in which wrong is right, lies are virtuous, and vows mean nothing.
In truth, it appears to me that she has absolutely no idea what she wants. She has taken distance from me in the form of “moving out,” yet she comes back every day that she’s not with the adulterer, and then spends the whole day here. Then she complains about not having her own space, and makes an effort to go find an apartment. Then the adulterer changes his mind (in all likelihood, he panicked) and asks her to move in with him. So then she decides to do that. But then the “energy worker” says, “Slow down, chickie, not so fast. You’d do better to get that apartment after all. Or maybe you could just stay with your friends some more.”
What are these people really that stupid? (Don’t answer that; I’m having a rhetorical conversation.) Do they not understand that there will be no actual happiness so long as immoral behavior persists? Don’t they get that? Don’t they understand that the constant lying, the sneaking around, the deceitfulness is just not healthy? Doesn’t this “energy worker” understand the true cause of her energy imbalance? Can’t she just give advice that would fix it once and for all?
Apparently not. The real world, as ever, will eventually intercede. I don’t know how or when this will happen, but it will intercede. I get the sense that the pressure and tension in her life is building to the point to which it soon will become unbearable. The dissertation is still needing to be written. At least she came to me asking for regular Wednesday meetings. That’s fine, but I need to see pages of text, and I need them, like, last month. Then there is her bank account, which is rapidly receding. She is spending money like a drunken sailor, buying clothing online from overseas boutiques and such, but her earning capacity is stripped down to about half of what it once was. And, of course, there’s also me. I’m just not going away, no matter what she does. I haven’t changed my behavior. My situation has materially improved. Aside from my marriage, things are looking up for me these days.
For her, things look like crap. In fact, she looks like crap. I keep saying this on this blog again and again, that, just about every time I see her, she looks like hell. Tired, puffy-eyed with dark circles, unwashed and generally bedraggled. I guess that’s what “happiness” looks like. I can see it taking its toll. It must be absolutely exhausting living that kind of life. She spends the whole week draining her energy for the sake of 2-3 days with the adulterer up at Camp Chickenshit. And those days are supposed to pave the way for a new life.
What’s actually going to happen is that she’ll get a wake-up call. That’s probably coming pretty soon. And when it does, Camp Chickenshit ain’t gonna look too rosy anymore, nor will its owner.