Tag Archives: Communicado

The Power of a Single Piece of Chocolate

Yesterday I was my wife for the first time in over two months. We were obligated to attend a “status conference” at which the court would try to determine why we were not on track to obliterating our marriage. What emerged from this conference was, well, quite interesting indeed.

I began my day as I typically do, rising early (usually around 6:00, but often earlier) and doing my morning spiritual practice. I had a hard time with this yesterday morning, as I was quite distracted with thoughts of the impending status conference. So, I cut things a bit short and got myself ready.

The court is located downtown, and the hearing was set for 9:00 a.m. This meant leaving the house about an hour prior to allow for rush-hour traffic and to find parking. I ended up parking the car about 40 minutes before the hearing time. With time to spare, I decided to walk down to a nearby coffee shop that is one of my wife’s favorites; the shop roasts their own beans, making Italian-style roasts of very high quality. I was a ordered a doppio (double espresso), as opposed to my normal americano, as I thought I would not have sufficient time to finish the latter.

The espresso arrived, and on the saucer was a small wrapped piece of dark chocolate with the name of the coffee shop on the label. I thought to myself that I should just save the chocolate and give it to my wife. Let’s call this thought “planting positive seed of intention, #1″—my intention with this thought and its subsequent action was totally pure, inspired by love and generosity. I took the chocolate and put it in my pocket. Then I drank the espresso and walked over to the courthouse.

I arrived at the courtroom a few minutes before the session was to begin. The schedule outside the door indicated that the judge would be hearing about 70 cases on that morning. I opened the courtroom door and saw my wife sitting in a row of benches right next to the door. She looked at me and smiled. I went up to her and greeted her, and she was very genuine and cordial. This seemed totally out of character from both her behavior of late as well as from some allegations she had made with some motions she had recently filed with the court, but I’ll get to that later. She told me that I needed to go check in with the bailiff, and I did so. I then returned and she moved over to make a space for me to sit next to her. I gave her the piece of chocolate and she thanked me for it, putting it in her purse. Let’s call this “planting positive seed of intention, #2.”

I was open, spacious, and emotionally stable. She was nervous and ill at ease; not so much with me, as she seemed surprisingly comfortable with my sitting next to her, but rather with the situation of being in a courtroom, attempting to destroy our marriage. She looked like hell: dark circles under her eyes, and somehow, despite having made the effort to look very presentable, seemingly unkempt. She was clearly a woman undergoing sustained emotional torment—torment that she has entirely created herself. I engaged her in conversation, and things were relatively normal, or at least as normal as they can be in such circumstances.

The judge arrived and began to hear cases. She slammed through these at the rate of about one every 3 minutes or so. The cases were not heard in order of their listing on the court schedule, but rather in some order determined by the bailiff. We sat and waited for about an hour. Then, a woman walked into the spectator area where we were seated and called our names. She and a colleague had been doing this—calling the names of various litigants—since the start of the session, but neither my wife nor I had taken much notice. We identified ourselves and were taken into an antechamber behind the courtroom. We sat down, I diagonally across the table from the officer, and my wife to my immediate left. The woman identified herself as an “early resolution officer” whose task was to ascertain why we were not in compliance with the court’s case schedule. There were apparently some questions about the status of our paperwork, so she had to ask us some questions to get our case ready for the judge to hear.

My wife indicated that she had recently filed a motion with the court to amend her petition; she had already amended it once, but violated court rules by simply filing a petition without the court’s permission. Essentially, this petition was invalid, but on advice of legal counsel, I did eventually file a response—last week. In my wife’s motion to the court, she decided to ask for certain forms of relief that she backed up with frivolous and flimsy allegations. What is important, however, is that the early resolution officer told her that, since she had filed these motions, she had now essentially put our case on hold: it could not move at all until the judge ruled on her motion. That hearing is set for early September. My wife asked what she would then have to do if the judge ruled in her favor, and the officer said that she would have to have me personally served, as she would essentially be starting the case all over again. This does not mean that the case schedule itself would be changed—her trial date still stands—but it certainly could be continued by the presiding judge because of her motion. The officer then said that she was going to recommend that we come back for another hearing at the end of October. I think this news surprised and shook my wife a bit; I believe she expected that matters would just be resolved and things would move forward, and instead she learned that her very actions were now stalling the process she had wanted to set in motion.

It’s funny how karma works sometimes.

The officer filled out the orders for the judge to review, and, while she was doing this I said, “for the record, I am an unwilling participant in this litigation.” The officer said that our state is a “no-fault” state, meaning that my wife could bring a dissolution of marriage case before the court without showing any cause whatsoever; I told her I understood that, but that I felt it was the wrong thing to do, and that I believed that we not only could reconcile our marriage, but that we had the obligation to make those efforts first. Let’s call this “planting positive seed of intention, #3.”

My wife did not flinch at all when I said this, but sometimes these seeds sting a bit when we plant them. They insert themselves in the consciousness in a way that simply cannot be removed. We were shown back into the courtroom to await our hearing with the judge. My wife now became visibly withdrawn and uncomfortable, and began to move away from me. She became unresponsive to comments I made to her, and was clearly uncomfortable.

We waited another 30 minutes, and finally we were called before the judge. I was confident and at ease; my wife was nervous and unsteady. The hearing was very straightforward; the judge simply asked what paperwork was still in process, and my wife told her about the motion she had filed. The judge ordered that we return in late October, unless all paperwork was filed a week beforehand. She was very professional and understanding. She then asked if we had any questions, and my wife asked her if she had to have me served. The judge explained that the judge hearing her motion would first have to approve it, and if that happened, then she would have to either get me to agree to an “acceptance of service” or she would need to have me personally served, just as if the case was starting all over again. This made my wife rather uncomfortable. I thanked the judge and we left the courtroom.

We did not exactly leave together; instead my wife, who had been so open and genuine just 90 minutes earlier, was now making a beeline to get out of there. She was visibly frustrated and was now trying to avoid speaking to me. She stopped at a bench in the hallway, as did I, to put away her paperwork; I tried to speak to her but she walked off into the ladies’ room across the hall. I just walked away, out into the lobby, to wait for an elevator.

She came down the hall soon after, and her energy was totally different than it had been at the start of the hearing. That genuineness was now transformed into anger and hostility. I tried to engage her in conversation, asking her if she needed anything, and she told me I had to leave. I offered to hold the elevator door for her, and she walked away. She refused even to get into an elevator with me. I looked at her and said, “you do not need to be hostile to me,” and told her I was leaving to go to work. I got in the elevator and left.

I have not heard a peep from her since. But, that chocolate stayed in her purse.

She knows I am committed to saving our marriage. My actions have shown that for nearly 22 months now. Her life currently appears to be a shambles because of the poor life decisions she has made over those past 22 months. She appears to be on a downward spiral that she will not have interrupted, and I am willing to allow her to have that spiral. It is likely that she will have an emotional breakdown, and this could happen soon. She is certainly in the physical, emotional, and mental states that would enable that to happen. She is equally likely to have a huge blow-up with the adulterer, and that could likely happen soon as well. After all, he probably wants this whole situation over and done with, and will learn that it was her actions—not mine—that are now causing this delay. His patience, I would think, must be nearing an end. Chances are the blow-up and breakdown will occur around the same time, and probably in that order. The affair will end—I am more convinced of that now than I have ever been, as I can see it written all over her—and her life will truly spiral out of control.

But for now, that piece of chocolate remains. She may have eaten it already, or she will do so soon. She will not throw it away, but even if she did, it does not matter. When she sees that chocolate, whether it be to eat it or to chuck it in the trash, it will make an enormous impact. That piece of chocolate is a very powerful seed of intention. It carries with it the sum total of all of my positive efforts over the last 21-plus months. It carries with it all of the positive actions I have taken over the course of our marriage, as well as over the course of the two-year friendship that preceded our marriage. It carries with it all of the highs and lows of our relationship and the ways in which we connected. It carries with it one very simple, yet powerful and unstoppable message: “I love you and I always will.”

And that, my friends, is the power of a single piece of chocolate.

Status Conference

I’ve been very busy of late, and this explains my absence from this blog.

Things have definitely been churning on the marital front, but it’s hard to tell really what’s going on. I am reminded of the expression that “things always get worse before they get better,” and that definitely seems to be true.

My wife has been unusually communicative over the past couple of weeks, but for the most part this has been rather nasty and hostile communication. But, there was at least one surprise.

Basically, the story is this: last month, my wife filed a “confirmation of issues” document with the court, which is a procedural document for which she is supposed to solicit my response. She did not do this, and instead just filed it, stating that I refused to cooperate. Huh? Well, the truth is that I would not have signed it in all likelihood, but since she did this, we are now ordered to appear at a status conference on Friday.

She ended up contacting me in the past few days to tell me that she was mailing the same document to me again, and wanted me to sign it. I guess she does not want to go to this conference, ostensibly because she does not want to have to see me. We had a back and forth via email over the past couple of days regarding this document; essentially, I was trying to get her to speak with my by phone, to which she predictably demurred.

However, quite unexpectedly, she offered to come by the house yesterday, essentially to get this document signed. I could not make this happen, as I (like most people) had to work. She was not flexible at all with her timeline—it was either that morning or nothing. So, we did not see each other. She had other random and relatively non-sensical things to say.

There are some other things brewing that I cannot get into, as I do not quite know all the details. She seems to be, well, rather crazy right now. I think she is really struggling and is doing everything she can to keep her fantasy life in place. There is a real sense of desperation about her actions and her energy.

Not sure where things are going from here. It is a weird phase, to be sure.

The Stone Wall Cracks, Again

Ninety-three days is a long time.

It had been 93 days since I had seen my wife. It had been 93 days since I had heard her voice. That ninety-three days ended yesterday. I helped bring it to an end.

December 12, 2012 was the last time I had seen my wife, and she was very cold to me. This was came ten days after I had seen her with the adulterer, and I’m pretty certain that experience did not go over well with him. So, it was I suppose no surprise that I would have gotten some drawback from her in the aftermath of that event. I just didn’t expect it to last so long.

I had a few dribs and drabs of communication with her. One exchange came in January, while the adulterer was away for a day or so, and his absence led to a flurry of emails between myself and my wife. The other exchanges I can pretty much count on one hand: She contacted me again in January to complain about my sending her parents a Christmas card; this was soon followed by a letter from my mother-in-law asking me to give up on her daughter. Two more emails came in February; the first carried a request to work on our taxes and a threat to close down all her bank accounts once the taxes were complete. The second came about two weeks later; this time she had changed her mind about taxes, and was deciding to file separately. Again, this carried a threat: she needed my Social Security Number, and said that, if I did not provide it, she’d let the IRS know. She also more or less demanded that I stop leaving things for her at her colleague’s house when she is in town.

I have met quite a few skeptics of Marriage Fitness and even a few nay-sayers about its methods for connecting with an obstinate spouse. I have heard people call it “pursuit,” “stalking,” “pathetic behavior,” and so forth, and have had people advise that “you should just let go,” “walk away and she’ll come back,” or even “file for divorce to wake her up.” I have even received unsolicited emails through this website, either from well-meaning individuals, or from those who felt they just simply knew better, and had thought about writing posts to refute some of these claims, but never got around to it. So here, in part is that post.

In that last email I received from my wife in February, she did in fact say that she felt “stalked” and that I was “obsessed.” Now, let’s think about that for a minute: it makes no sense for a man to “stalk” his spouse, nor does it make much sense to call expressions of caring and love “obsession.” But, to the twisted mind of an obstinate spouse — especially one who is having an affair — anything that does not mesh with their agenda can be construed negatively. This is important to understand. The obstinate spouse wants one thing, and one thing only: compliance. When you don’t give it to them, the begin to resort to whatever tactics they think might be effective in getting their way, and this includes things like the terms my wife wrote to me in that email.

My response to that email was just to ask her to call  me, which she predictably did not. I also did not bend to her requests to stop. This would have been consistent, of course, with the unsolicited advice of the well-meanings and know-betters out there, but it also would have been disastrous. Instead, I exercised a bit of sensitivity, and simply dropped off some mail that had arrived for my wife the following week when she was in town. I emailed the colleague to let her know, and this small packet was duly passed along. I also included a small gift in that packet. This detail is highly significant, and I would encourage the potential “well-meanings” and “know-betters” out there (along with all the otherwise curious folks) to read on. 

Last month, I decided to repair a mala that I had, which had broken some months previous. It was quite expensive, and the repair costs were anywhere from $30 to $150. I dropped by a local bead store to find a bead that had gone missing from that mala, and one of the workers there advised me that it was very easy to fix myself, and showed me how to do it. I bought some cheap beads with which to practice, and then made a mala. In fact, I ended up making two of them, since I wanted to practice some other techniques, like making tassels and such. I found it to be an excellent mindfulness practice, and it’s one I shall continue.

I not only ended up with two completed malas, but I also had a bunch of extra beads. So, I made a few bracelets, stringing them on red beading cord, finishing them with adjustable knots. I gave one of these — a lapis lazuli bracelet — to my wife with that packet of mail. I did not receive any pushback at all. Well, actually I received no feedback whatsoever.

I finally felt skillful enough to repair my broken mala, and did so a couple of weeks ago. Again, I had some left-over beads — higher-quality lapis lazuli beads this time — and made my wife a hand mala (i.e. a quarter mala with 27 beads), finishing it with a white tassel. I left this for her as a gift that week. Again, no response whatsoever — until yesterday, that is.

I finally got my wife on the phone yesterday. I had contacted her via email at the beginning of the week to say that we needed to talk, but got no response. So, I contacted her again mid-week, forwarding my earlier email as a reminder, and she did then respond. She claimed to be “busy” the following day (Thursday), but could call me on Friday. We set a time, and she did, in fact, call.

We spoke for nearly an hour. It was as if the past five months had not happened. The connection I have had with my wife is alive and well, and all the goodwill I have bestowed upon our relationship is still there. She told me things were “great,” and that she was “happy,” but the tone of her voice clearly indicated this not to be the case. It’s hard to describe, but her voice sounded cramped and constricted when she said these things; a person who really feels this way is open and spacious when they talk about them.

Now, I did get a bit of pushback, but if you can imagine what pro-forma pushback would be like, that would be it: she told me she wanted to file her taxes separately, and to deal with some financial issues, but really it was weak sauce. I informed her that we live in a community property state, and that we would each have to file coordinated statements of income with our tax returns, and that this would mean that she would be liable for taxes on my income. She did not believe this, and I reinforced the point by letting her know that, by filing separately, she would lose most of the benefits of filing jointly. She said she wanted to do more research about this, so I let it go. This discussion is also significant, but for a different reason: a wayward spouse does everything he or she can do to live in the fantasy bubble of the affair; having discussions about real-world issues, such as taxes, brings them out of that bubble and helps them to awaken, if only just a bit.

We then went on just to chat. I told her about the work I’d been doing around the house. She said the landscaping I had done in the back yard looked great (I gave her a couple of pictures with the last batch of stuff I left for her this week). I told her I would appreciate her advice, and particularly her feng shui counsel. We talked about our dog, and quite surprisingly she made no effort to assert any desire to take her away. It’s as if she has left the dog here as a “placeholder,” so that she’ll have a reason to come back in due course.

That “due course” could happen a lot sooner that I had imagined. Honestly, I had been feeling quite frustrated with this wall of silence, and had even begun to feel that perhaps my efforts were just being poured down some invisible drain. I suspect the nay-sayers and know-betters out there would assert that this was exactly the case.

Well, all of you nay-saying know-betters, listen up: you’re wrong, each and every one of you.

About twenty minutes into our conversation, right as things shifted to the personal, my wife said, “thank you for the bracelet.” She said she thought it was very beautiful, and particularly liked the choice of colors — a vibrant red and a dark blue. She said that she had put it on the wall, so that she could look at it. Not at Camp You-Know-What, of course, but rather in the basement apartment at the colleague’s house. She also thanked me for the hand mala and said she was keeping it in her purse. These are not the actions of an obstinate spouse who is 100% committed to her agenda of marital destruction. No, these are the acts of an wayward spouse who is beginning to awaken from her fog, bit by bit.

Clearly, the nay-saying know-betters would have me believe that my efforts were futile, that it all was just dumping precious time and energy down some invisible drain. That it all is, in fact, “stalker-ish, obsessive” behavior, or something along those lines. So how would they explain these expressions of gratitude? How would they explain the fact that, at the end of our conversation, my wife  said  “let’s talk again,” leaving the door open, so to speak? How would they explain any of this? I mean, if they’re right, none of the things I have been doing for the past year plus should have worked.

Well, I can explain it. I know my wife; they do not. I know her tastes and fancies. I know what tickles her soul. Demonstrating the fact that I know these things through small but frequent acts of giving is not obsession. It is not “stalker”-like behavior, nor is it any sort of odd form of “pursuit.” No, these are instead one very simple type of thing: these are acts of love.

I know the path to my wife’s heart; I found it ten years ago, and it really has not changed since. I know the heartstrings and how to tug on them. I know how to light the gentle fires to melt the ice that had built up there. The adulterer knows none of this stuff, and this is why he’ll soon be history. He knows only narcissism, egocentrism, and selfishness. He gives my wife cheesy stuff she secretly despises — believe me, I’m sure of it. There is more power in the tiniest act of genuine generosity from my side — just the slightest thing that says, “I know you,” than there is in a thousand different things the adulterer might try to do for her. He simply does not know her soul, and never will. He doesn’t really care to know, for adultery is not fundamentally about such knowledge.

Is this the tipping point, at which things might begin finally to change? I do not know. But suddenly things are looking a whole lot different than they were just a few days ago.

Boredom, Emptiness, Contact

Yesterday, something curious happened: my wife contacted me, totally out of the blue. It was the first contact she has initiated with me in over a month. As with the last time she contacted me, this contact was also by email. It started in a similar vein, too, thanking me for my messages and such.

Then, she told me that she had heard from her brother, who had related that her parents had received Christmas cards from both me and my sister. (I had no idea my sister had sent them one; she has been doing this for years, so I guess she felt like she should just continue to do so.) She said that her parents felt uncomfortable or perhaps pressured, because they know of our situation. And so, she asked me not to do this anymore.

Do what, exactly? Stop sending Christmas cards? I have contacter her parents exactly twice since this whole mess started about 14 months ago, and on both occasions I have been very careful to be respectful, and to not give them any pressure whatsoever. This Christmas card said nothing more than “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year,” and carried my signature. There’s certainly no pressure involved in that. I have no idea what my sister’s card said (although I do know what it looked like, because I got one, too), however I can’t imagine it said much more than did the card I sent.

So what does this pressure mean? Who knows. It could be nothing. Or it could be that her parents were expressing continued discomfort with her and her chosen course of actions. Or it could be something else. What’s clear to me is that, if they do feel discomfort, it’s not because of my sending that card, but rather what the receipt of that card reminds them of: what their daughter has become.

My response to my wife’s request was, well, nothing. Instead, I told her that I had something I needed to talk to her about, and asked her to call me. This led to a back-and-forth exchange in which she insisted on knowing what I wanted to talk about before she’d call. I was not trying to be coy, but told her that I would rather not discuss it by email. Still, she tried to hold me off, saying she would not call unless I gave her this information. I somehow knew that this was all smoke and mirrors.

I had to work a half day, and so I was more or less out of touch with her most of that time. I did get an email or two in which she additionally asked me to stop sending emails to her (now, formerly) primary email account, and to use her (formerly) über secret email account instead. Why the insistence upon this change? Simple: the former account uses her married surname (mine); the latter account uses her maiden name. I decided to choose my battles wisely and just to give in on this one.

When I got home from work, the back-and-forth continued a bit longer. I still did not give in on the original topic I wanted to discuss, and she was really adamant about wanting to know. So, I told her that I simply now wanted to talk about her emails to me that day. You now what response she gave me? Heh – she said that she didn’t have her cell phone with her.

What??? In fact, my response to this started thusly: ?????

It was all smoke and mirrors after all. I told her that she could just give me a phone number and I’d call.

Crickets. Nada. Zilch.

So why bother to contact me, then? Well, you see, the adulterer was out of town. I found this out via his very public Facebook postings that indicated that he was leaving town to give a Very Important All-Day Seminar. This Very Important All-Day Seminar was located 500 miles away: a quick, 45-minute flight, or a dreary, seven-hour journey by car. I neither know nor care how he got there, but I do know that he did not take my wife — and this from the same man who whisked her overseas for a few days just two short months ago. Why become a cheapskate all of a sudden?

Since the adulterer was very public about this 500-mile trip, he did get around to posting pictures today of this Very Important All-Day Seminar. This Very Important All-Day Seminar attracted a total of five people: the adulterer himself, the person who invited him to give this Very Important All-Day Seminar, and then three other people. That is Very Important, indeed.

(I think you may be detecting a bit of sarcasm, or perhaps derision, dear reader, although I like to think of it as facetiousness.)

What’s important here is that my wife has now established a pattern: when the adulterer is away, she contacts me. That’s how it happens. He went overseas without her in May, and we had another back-and-forth, albeit a much more pleasant one, back then. Her previous communication with me occurred while he was gone as well, although he probably was only gone for the day. It’s interesting to reflect on what this might mean: that life ain’t so grand up there in Camp C-S (if you know what I mean), and that, when the distraction of having the adulterer around is gone, she probably feels lonely and empty. I do know this from what others have related: even when a wayward spouse is with the affair partner, they still very often have this sense of internal emptiness, and that only magnifies when the affair partner is not there.

It does seem there are signs (and I don’t really want to get into those right now) that she really isn’t happy with the state of affairs up there at Camp C-S these days, and that her efforts to stonewall me have been a futile attempt to rectify matters by blaming the relational malfunctions on the presence of the spouse, virtual or otherwise. Blame it on whatever you want, there’s nothing that can make an adulterous relationship work out, since such relationships are poisoned from day one.

Thus it seems that I’ve just got to be patient a little bit longer while this farce winds down and collapses like the house of cards that it is. If you’ve read many of my posts, you probably have the sense that I am a very patient person.

The Wall of Silence Breaks

Something odd happened today. I was in the office for a rather longish meeting; well, that’s not odd, but what happened just after that meeting wrapped up is: the wall of silence broke.

I was doing a bit of paperwork and had logged on to my online calendar when I received an email from my wife.

It was a rather brief email, just a paragraph in length, but it contained quit a lot. This is the first communication I’ve had from her in a month.

She thanked me for the little gift I had left for her a few days ago. She also thanked me for the messages I’m sending her, saying that she enjoys reading and listening to them. She apologized for not having responded. She thanked me for taking care of our dog.

She thanked me for a bunch of stuff: for our marriage, for the life we had built together, for the ways in which I truly understood her, supported her, and loved her unconditionally.

She also apologized for a bunch fo stuff: for having betrayed and abandoned me, for having hurt me, my family, and my friends, for not having been there for me through difficult times. She apologized for the awful things she said to me the last time we met. She apologized for having been dependent on me, and for not having held up her end of the relationship.

She assured me that she does not have any negative feelings for me, and that she truly appreciates me.

She also stated that she felt sorry that I still believe in our marriage, but honestly, this was kind of weak sauce.

Now, I might ask myself, “Why now? Why is she saying these things now?”

Honestly, I have no idea. This email came in during the middle of the day, and it was a dreary, rainy day at that. She probably feels lonely. She probably feels guilty. She probably feels unfulfilled with where her choices have led her. She probably is beginning to feel remorse and regret.

I’ve said on a few occasions that the last couple of times I saw her she appeared to be on the verge of a breakdown. I imagine she had some sort of breakdown today, even if only a minor one.

She has a concert on Sunday, and I am going. The adulterer will most likely be there as well. These will most certainly be a very interesting few days ahead.

More cracks in the wall of ice

As I’ve written many, many times, my wife has tried to be incommunicado with me for at least 4 months now. This manifests mainly in her not answering her cell phone when I call. It could be sitting right next to her, or even in her own hands, but she simply won’t pick up. I guess she thinks that I’ll eventually give up.

Well, think again.

Yes, this is childish behavior. Very, very childish. But it is also, in a way, understandable behavior. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not condoning it, just saying that I understand it. I mean, if I were foolhardy enough to go and have an extramarital affair, I don’t think I’d feel all that comfortable answering calls if I were at the adulterer’s house, you know what I mean? First of all, if the adulterer is around, she can’t exactly talk to me. I just cannot imagine him saying, “Oh, it’s your husband? Sure, go ahead and take that call.” Second, even if he’s not around, if she does answer, that leaves her open to the question, “So where are you right now?” Not that I’d ask it, but it could come up. Then she’d have to tell a lie, and that might actually push that total up in to the 5 digits. So she pretty much only answers the phone when she is in town, and when it’s logistical.

Nevertheless, there have been some fissures forming in that wall of ice she’s been putting between us. Last night, I sent her a goofy picture of our dog. It was a picture I actually took a couple of years ago: she’s lying under our bed on her back, and the only thing visible are a pair of stumpy, Corgi legs sticking out from under the bed. I got an email back with a smiley face on it. You know, one of those emoticon things — 🙂 . You might think this is insignificant, but she sent it to me around 11:00 p.m. The adulterer would probably be sound asleep by that time. She’s in his house, he is (ostensibly) there, and she emails me. Even if it’s just a snippet like that, this is how emotional affairs start, my friends. I’ve said it before, I’m the other man now.

This morning I had to run out to buy the dog some food. Cans of Trippet, as per usual. (Smells horrible, yes, but dogs love it, and it keeps them healthy.) On my way home, I get a text message signal — no, three of them: Ping! Ping! Ping! She sent me one long text in 3 chunks. She thanked me for my virtual support for her performance last night, which seems to have gone well. Then she went on to ask me if her paycheck had come, and had I deposited it. She was worried that she didn’t have enough in her account for a “purchase” she’d made. This of course raises the question why she made that purchase, but that’s another story. I had half a mind to go ahead and let her check bounce, but what good would that do? The last part of the text was her wishing me a good day. She also confirmed that she had signed on for another year with the choir. Now why would she tell me that? Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but if she’s really serious about cutting me out of her life, what possible interest would that be to me?

I texted back (when I got home, not while I was driving… are you crazy?!?) that I would make the deposit on my way in to work today. She then texted back to ask me how much the check was for. Okay, so here’s where I tire of texts. I just called her back. I mean, the dang phone was in her hands, so she should just pick up, right?

No such luck. Straight to voice mail. Totally pathetic. Maybe, just maybe, she had had enough time to put the phone down, but it doesn’t take ages for a text message to wend its way from one cell phone to another. I’d reckon it’s just seconds in most cases. I left a quick message to tell her how much the check was, and said, “Call me.” She didn’t, but then again, I didn’t expect her to.

In sum, things continue to trend positively. These are baby steps in the right direction, but steps nonetheless. All I need now is for some sort of rude awakening to happen for her up there at Camp You-Know-What, and we’ll see those fissures open up and unleash a torrent that will bring her back to me.