I started this blog in early 2012, shortly after learning of my ex-wife’s affair and shortly after committing myself to fighting for my marriage. I never really intended for this blog to be anything more than an outlet for me to share my experiences in the hope that it might help others. Over time, this blog has been a place of refuge for me; it has been my “counselor” to whom I could air my thoughts and ruminations; it has been a place where I could post sources of help and stories of hope.
It seems my hope has—for now, at least—run out. It seems that today, of all days, my ex-wife got married to the adulterer.
My ex-wife started a virtual friendship many years ago with a woman in her home country who runs a lifestyle and fashion business. They got to know each other first via a blog my ex-wife wrote about our dog; then they connected on Facebook and got to know each other. When the affair started, this woman apparently became a cheerleader for the affair, buying into the idea that ex-wife genuinely was happier in her adulterous relationship—which, I might add, this woman knew was adulterous.
I learned that ex-wife and the adulterer had gone to her home country together a couple of days ago; this woman posted pictures yesterday of ex-wife, her brother, the adulterer, and several others having dinner. Tonight, this same woman broadcast pictures and videos on Facebook of ex-wife getting married to the adulterer in a shrine in her home country.
This came as quite a shock, to say the least.
I know all the statistics by heart:
- Only 1-3% of adulterous relationships result in marriage.
- Of those who marry, at least 75% see their marriages end in divorce.
- Marriages that began as adulterous relationships fail at rates 15% higher than normal in 1-3 years.
- This figure escalates to 25% higher than normal divorce rates within 5 years.
- These figures escalate whatever divorce likelihood already exists (e.g. 65% of second marriages ending in divorce).
- The adulterer has been married twice—at least as far as I know. His second marriage lasted barely six months. Thus his third marriage—all other things being equal, which they’re not—is 75% likely to fail.
- Ex-wife is going into a second marriage which from her side, which—all other things being equal (which again, they’re not)—is 65% likely to fail.
- They have been together for five years already; thus the likely escalator for this marriage is 25%.
It’s easy to do the math: 75% + 25% for the adulterer equals almost 100% likelihood of divorce from his side; 65% + 25% from ex-wife equals at least 90% likelihood of divorce from her side. The odds for them simply are not good. They never have been and certainly aren’t any better now.
As to what I’ll do next, well, I’m not sure. I still have a lot of her possessions; some of these include gifts from her family. I may just ship them to the adulterer’s house so that she can have them. I still own the web domains for her websites and to my knowledge she still uses them. I may quietly take them down.
She always wanted the wedding in a home-country shrine; we never did that. She finally got what she wanted.
He apparently always wanted a wife from her country because he practices that country’s indigenous religion and one of its native martial arts. He finally got what he wanted.
They both finally got what they wanted.
I do believe in karma and can at least take comfort in the knowledge that whatever negative karma I have committed against her in this life or some other has now been fully repaid. I will never have to suffer the effects of that karmic debt anymore.
However, the fullness of the karmic debt that they have both incurred with me has now reached its apex and that debt will have to be repaid, in this life or some other. That’s how it works, according to the great realized masters of the past and present.
So, I will bid adieu for now to my beautiful ex-wife for whom I fought long and hard with all my blood and tears. She and the adulterer will now have nothing but the winds of their karma to carry them where it may.
This may be my valedictory post, so I wish to thank you all for reading; I wish to thank you for all your kind comments and the sharing of your own experiences; I wish to thank you all for your private messages of good wishes and encouragement.
May you all see your marriages reconciled, restored to full health, and may you enjoy them as they become fuller, happier, and more vibrant and joyful than you could have imagined.