Today is Wednesday. Another week has passed since I last saw my wife. The last time I saw her, she gave me some pretty serious pushback. And, in the interim, she went overseas. This is confirmed; have have seen the photos. (Well, just a photo, but it was enough to serve as proof.) A trip overseas, with the adulterer. Weird, right?
Well, for starters, that would likely explain the severity of her pushback last time. I’m sure she felt pretty stressed out and pressured. In fact, I imagine that she is under a lot of pressure from him to get me out of her life. But I’m just not going away, see, and that’s a problem — for him, and, by extension, for her.
Last week, she made all sorts of threats. One of those threats was to take our dog away and not to let me see her or the dog again. So far, she has not made good on that threat. Normally, she’ll contact me once she arrives in town, and ask me to drop the dog off. Today, there was no contact at all. She left her cell phone turned off and made no effort to get in touch with me. I spent all day at work, and came home expecting to see the dog gone; I had packed a little gift in the dog’s carrier just in case, but she never came.
There’s a word for this: avoidance.
That’s where we’re at now. She is avoiding me. Last week, she ended a two-week phase of avoidance, and went for justification via rationalization. That didn’t work out so well. I can see right through those justifications, each and every one of them. So now we’re back to avoidance. I did tell her last week that taking responsibility for her actions — something she claimed she had done — would require actually facing the facts of what she did and then actively making amends with those she hurt. This is difficult, though; it’s much easier just to bury your head in the sand. That’s what she’s chosen to do instead, it seems: to bury her head in the sand.
There’s a problem with burying your head in the sand, though. When you do that, the universe lights a fire under your rear end. It pretty much never fails. Right now that fire is building, and I’m sure it’s not comfortable.
You know, there’s another person who is getting a rear-end burn right now, and that’s the adulterer. He’s had his head in the sand (to put it politely) for over a year as well. Actually, he’s likely had his head in the sand about adultery in general for quite a number of years. Sooner or later, he’s going to learn that he has not met his soul mate, and that he has zero chance of spending the rest of his life with my wife.
Anyway, aside from all that weirdness, I’ve been doing my best to take care of myself, and to take care of business at home. The house was a mess, largely because I’ve been working so much. I had a tiny bit of time this morning to get things straightened out. (I think my lucky stars for letting hypnosis help me with this, believe it or not; I’ve got a session called “Stop Being Messy.” It’s been truly helpful, and worked so fast in making real changes in me that it really convinced me how beneficial hypnosis can be.) I’ve also been trying to get my financial house in order (I’ve got “Financial Planning Mindset” for that) and have been dealing with general anxiety and stress levels. (Hmmm, let’s see, for these I’ve got “Overcome Fear and Anxiety,” “Stop Feeling Trapped,” and “Stop Thinking the Worst;” I think I must sound like a hypnosis junkie now…) I’ve also recommitted myself to learning Japanese, since I’m really going to need this once my wife and I reconcile. (Yes, I even have a track for this: it’s called “Better Language Learning.” So at this point I’m working pretty hard on my fixings. The financial stuff has by far been the most stressful; as many can attest, there’s nothing quite like a marital crisis to wreak havoc on your financial health. But, I’m hoping that slowly the worst is now receding into the distance behind me.
I am also hoping that the worst of the marital crisis is beginning to recede into that same distance, but at this point it’s hard to tell. They do say that it always gets worse before it gets better, and that totally makes sense: an obstinate spouse is never going to push back harder than when his or her story really starts to fall apart.
Okay, for now, I think it’s time to put a long day behind me, and to get some rest for an even longer one up ahead. As always, dear reader, I thank you for stopping by to read these words. I hope they bring some solace to you if you are unfortunate enough to find yourself in a similar situation; believing that there is hope, and that it does make sense to take a stand for what’s right is much easier with the knowledge that others are fighting that same good fight.
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